Thursday, April 29, 2010

Charlie Brown would not have made The Show


Calculating Charlie Brown's Wins, Losses, & Other Stats: Introduction

Okay, so Chuck wouldn't get called up from AAA-Pawtucket, or Single-A Lowell for that matter. But he has to be considered one of the worst coaches of all-time right? Butchering both performance arts and sports is a big red flag that Charles needs to just chill out and step down from leadership roles. I mean, lets just scratch the surface a little bit:

1. Schroeder at Catcher?!?! We all had friends growing up that hated sports, lets just say he was definitely not going to cut it behind the plate. Some people were born to play RF. He even quits on his team in the early 60's to play piano. Wow, couldn't see THAT one coming....

2. Lucy needed to be manager of this team. A Bobby Knight, in-your-face style would have terrified everyone into not-sucking. However, her lack of loyalty is worrisome.

3. Worst fielding pitcher of all-time too? Chaz wasn't exactly Greg Maddux....

4. Having a dog play SS sure doesn't help matters. Weak.


In all seriousness, the guy that analyzed this deserves some sort of award for his work. This is Bill James type sh@t:

"EDIT: On August 5, 1962, Snoopy and Linus turn a double-play to end the game. As a reader pointed out, this must mean that Team Peanuts won the game. I initially considered this strip as one with an unclear outcome, but that's not so. The only way the game can end with the defensive team turning a double-play is if they have the lead in the top of the ninth. This is notable because it's the first time that the team is shown winning a game without any strange circumstances. The nonchalance that Snoopy and Linus show with the win is also uncharacteristic. Maybe Charles Schulz didn't realize the double-play implied a win for Team Peanuts? I don't know..."

True lots of free time for that guy....

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

Prodigy is a rapper.
Prodigy is in Prison.
Prodigy decides to rap from prison via Phone call.

Questions?

"The Phone Tap (Welcome to State Prison)"(NSFW)



Absolutely genius concept, if anything.

Ayo whattup wit it?
Yeah, it's been a minute
I'm good on this side of the fence
same $h*t,
different spot on the navigation,
just bein' patient,
Workin' out -- reading, writing,
y'know, the basics.
Corrections, Got word from Albany,
to Keep me in voluntary PC.
Which means,
The State decides where I live.
Can't sign out,
'Cuz I never signed in...


True Infamous.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Alternative Awesomeness

It has been a decent couple of months for Damon Albarn. Who the heck is that? Damon Albarn is the man all of you may know as the lead singer of this group. Seeing how he's been pretty busy with that "project" over the last few years, many might not realize why his voice sounds so familiar. Well......it just so happens that he's also the lead singer of the classic British band, Blur. Still don't know? Confused by our incompetence? Anyone who has ever been to a professional sports game, click. There ya go, familiar. Well other than that drunken anthem, it turns out they had a pretty solid career with great tunes like this one (really, watch that video, its outstanding).

That being said, this week we have the first song from Blur in 7 or so years, that just happened to have been released last week for free download by the band.

Along with that, please enjoy I-Biz and C-Biz's favorite track from Plastic Beach, Albarn's other "side project".







True Story.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Drew Kiper's 2010 Mock Draft


1. St. Louis – Sam Bradford – The obvious and really only pick here. Very strong armed QB that has potential to resurrect the franchise. However, I’m only a fan of throwing a QB into the fire if the right weapons are there (See Mark Sanchez last year). . . . . .with poor line play and no proven commodities, throwing Bradford in right away is only going to limit his future potential. Rams would’ve been better keeping Bulger and let Bradford sit for a year.


2. Detroit
– Ndamukong Suh – Great pass rushing threat. Going to Jim Schwartz gives him potential to be the next man-beast. Going to Detroit gives him potential to be the next bust at DT (see Gerrard Warren, Travis Johnson, Dewayne Robertson, Jonathan Sullivan, Ryan Sims, etc)


3. Tampa
- Gerald McCoy – Fans are expecting the next Warren Sapp here. Whereas McCoy will be good, he’ll be closer to Booger McFarland than Sapp.


4. Washington
– Trent Williams – Rumblings out of DC are that Shannahan likes the more athletic Williams than the better prospect Okung. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them trade down though and try to grab him. Either way, they need somebody to protect McNabb.

5. KC – Russell Okung – A true gift to Pioli and the Chefs. This allows them to move Albert to at least the right tackle (but hopefully back to guard where he belongs). Gives the offense some real upside if they can solidify this spot.

6. Seattle – Charles Brown – Many of you draftniks are surprised to see Brown here. He is probably the 5th best tackle in this draft. Admittedly, this is a horrible pick. Every draft has them (see Tyson Jackson, Aaron Maybin from last year and every single one of the Raiders pick within the last 7 years). I think Carroll tries to recreate his success by bringing in his players and by having Ray Willis as the current starting left tackle, Seattle knows that it needs to draft one.

7. Cleveland – Eric Berry – Berry has the potential to give Cleveland’s defense some identity and toughness. I think he is a penciled in starter for 10 yrs and not much more, but in reality that’s all you need out of your draft picks.


8. Oakland – Bruce Campbell – And the streak continues. Campbell ran one of the fastest 40s at the Combine for a lineman. Pretty much sealed his fate as becoming a Raider, benched Raider, and valet driver as his career path


9. Buffalo – Jimmy Clausen – I really like Clausen, but this is one of the worst scenarios for him. Poor line play, poor running game, poor defense, and with the exception of Lee Evans, poor targets. For his sake, I hope they pass on him. *Clausen will be the biggest wild card this year. Where he goes will dictate the rest of the draft


10. Jacksonville – Rolando McClain – Another pick I’m not a fan of, but Jags brass have all but signed him up. Have fun playing in Los Angeles for a new coach next year!


11. Denver – Dez Bryant – If Bryant turns into the head-case that everyone wants him to be, then this is a horrible pick. If he turns into the play-maker head-case that most people think he is, then it’s a wash with the Marshall trade. If he turns into just the play-maker that only he thinks he is, then this offense will be taken to a whole new level.


12. Miami – Dan Williams – Classic Parcells guy. I also like Sergio Kindle here, but with the age and looming suspension of Jason Ferguson, d-line becomes more of a priority. *Look for CJ Spiller here as a dark horse.


13. SF – Joe Haden – Potential lock down corner with superstar potential will provide the 49ers with a cornerstone of that defense.


14. Seattle – Everson Griffen – Another USC guy. Again, purpose bad pick. Not a fan of Carroll in the NFL and Seattle hasn’t been great with its picks as of recent.


15. G-men – CJ Spiller – If the G-men are smart, this is the pick. Spiller will fail as a feature back (see Reggie Bush) but will excel as part of a tandem and used strictly as an open field playmaker (see Reggie Bush). Takes the offense to a new height as long as the bitch Manning gets off the pill and starts throwing the ball.


16. Tennessee
– Jason Pierre-Paul – One of the most gifted pass rushers in the draft. Tennessee staff has been said to liken him to Jevon Kearse.


17. SF – Anthony Davis – Perfect fit at RT for that line . . . . . although I’m never a fan of using a first rounder on a RT. Davis will never live up to his draft position and many tackles drafted below him will become superior options down the road.


18. Pitt – Kyle Wilson – One of my favorite corners in the draft. Straight up play maker in the secondary that instantly fills a need for the Steelers. Also look for an interior lineman here. *Craziest scenario possible: Clausen falls, Pitt trades Rapelisberger and grabs him here. Not gonna happen, but would completely shake the NFL foundations


19. Atlanta
– Brandon Graham – Good pass rusher that fills the void that Jamal Anderson was suppose to a couple years ago. If they are patient with him, he could become a potential Pro Bowler. If they rush him, they get a solid player at best.


20. Houston
– Ryan Matthews – The final piece to the explosive offense. Personally, I draft defense here and/or receiver Demaryius Thomas to complement Andre the Giant.


21. Cincy – Jermaine Gresham – Still skeptical about this pick. Every year, Cincy is the favorite for a TE. Every year, Cincy passes. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him get bypassed again.


22. NE – Maurkice Pouncey – Pouncey is a Belichek player which is why I give him the nod over Thomas. Pouncey gives them a toughness upfront and eases the pain for when Logan Mankins walks in the near future.


23. GB – Bryan Bulga – If Seattle is somehow smart, then I switch Bulga and Brown. Rogers is the key to that offense but can’t do anything if he ends up gang banged on every down.


24. Philadelphia – Devin McCourty – Everything out of Philly is saying McCourty is the pick if he’s available. Gives them a replacement to the departed Sheldon Brown


25. Baltimore – Jared Odrick – This pick will not happen. I believe that Odrick is the fastest rising player on draft boards and I see him going realistically somewhere in the teens; however, if he does fall, he gives Baltimore an argument for one of the best d-lines in football.



26. Arizona – Sean Witherspoon – Instant replacement for Dansby. . . . . . History tells us that most of the time when a high draft pick is expected to replace a Pro Bowler, he busts (see Troy Williamson). Very possibly the fate here.


27. Dallas – Earl Thomas – An absolute gift here that gives Dallas the secondary help they desperately need.


28. SD – Terrence Cody – The key to the 3-4 defense is the nose tackle. Terrence Cody is nothing more than amorphous blog in the resemblance of Rosie O’Donnell, which is all he needs to be as the nose tackle. *As if it matters fact of the day, Terrence Cody ran the slowest 40 yard dash for a defensive player in the last 20 years.


29. J-E-T-S – Sergio Kindle – I love how the recent trend has been that the Jets need to draft a pass rusher so that everyone forgets about Vernon Gholston, when in fact, everyone has already forgotten who Vernon Gholston is anyway.


30. Minny – Chris Cook – I love Kareem Jackson here, but Chilly and Co are not expecting him to be here and have fallen in love with Cook.


31. Indy – Mike Iupati – If they play him at guard, he becomes a perfect fit to the new face that Caldwell is trying to put on the Colts


32. NO – Kareem Jackson – BPA. For a Super Bowl winner, New Orleans has so many holes that they can take the best player available. They could easily draft DT, DE, S, OL, or RB.

OH. MY. GOD.

Mystikal is out of jail.

Rejoice!

NSFW. Obviously. It's effing Mystikal, people.

Mystikal & Luda performing "Move" for the first time in 9 years ...


Fresh off his release, Mystikal let it be known that he will be back in the game with a vengeance....Speech! (h/t Wikipedia)

“ I was gone so long, all the things I achieved, all the accolades I attained, it felt like it was dream. It felt like I'd never done that stuff. But watch how I shake this world up now — I want reparations.”

Wait...what the hell does that even mean?

Ah, who cares. Jail does crazy things to the mind.

True DAAAAAAAAANE-JAH!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Straight-up Baby Making Music

Honestly, is there a better jam than Stevland Hardaway Morris' immortal 72 hit "Superstition"?




Wethinks not.
(Is Wethinks a word? Methinks in a plural sense? Whatever, it is now.)


What, need more proof of this songs collective power, one that makes people jump up and start flailing their bodies around in jubilation (read: drunk)?

Let's go back and check out some of the scenes from the video, shall we?

These people are feelin' it...




Now everybody, Scream!
This sequence..just..watch...




Don't really know what's better about this next one...the guy's ponytail, or Tito Francona rocking out next to him:




Straight-up.




And there we have it kiddos....this joint is impossible to hate.

Well...unless you're this guy...




True Stevie.
(Kinda looks like Barry Bonds...no?)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Alternative Awesomeness

This week's selection, the 2nd song we've featured from Broken Bells' debut album, um, Broken Bells. While the record is nothing overly fantastic, there are a few real quality tracks.

This song stands above the rest, in our opinion. Ironically, this might be the one song where you could literally guess that its a cross between the Shins and Danger Mouse. Try not to groove out too hard when the keyboards first come in:




True Story

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Excuses, excuses.....



Are you talking about your bowel movements or your baseball team Mr. Ho Park? We think the best part might be Mo Rivera (most likely the best closer ever) looking very amused while eavesdropping/getting dressed in the background. (Thanks to AJ for the tip)

True Story.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Return of Drew Kiper Jr.


The most prolific offseason trade since the Bush Administration (yeah that Bush) has forced Drew Kiper Jr outta retirement. With McNabb off to see the nation’s capital and work with Shanahans (You know, the coach that actually has a Lombardi Trophy and actually worked with a couple of Hall of Fame quarterbacks), the district becomes a contender in the NFC East and immediately jumps over the Iggles.

First, just to recap, Philadelphia sends Donovan McNabb to Washington for the #37 overall pick this year and a conditional pick next year. McNabb now has the opportunity to spark an anemic offense with arguably the best set of weapons he has ever had (with the exception of last year and possibly this guy). The two downgrades he will have to face is the lack of an offensive line and a lack of a pass catching backfield. Look for Shanny and company to use the 4th overall on either Russell Okung or Trent Williams. As for the other, look for McNabb to rely heavier on TEs Chris Cooley and Fred Davis. (I would say Brian Westbrook is available, but another RB over 30?? Might as well sign Brian Mitchell back).

On the Iggles side, this deal hinges on Kevin Kolb, which personally I’m not sold on. Yeah Kolb had a couple of back to back 300 yd games. . . .. . .against the Chefs (btw, shout out to Project Pat for the ending of that commercial) and the Saints, who aren’t exactly a defensive powerhouse. Kolb also sports a career 68.9 QB rating and a 4:7 TD:INT ratio. He also lacks the arm strength of McNabb (a key if you’re throwing to DeSean Jackson), not to mention the running ability. If Kolb does work out though, the nucleus of that offense could be very good for a very long time.

DKJ Quick Hits:

* The Rams released Marc Bulger and his $8.5 million salary. Once an elite QB in this league, Bulger was on his back more than Lindsey Lohan due to the Rams porous offensive line. On a related note, after completing his pro day workout, Bradford already was begging Rams brass to draft, sign, and trade for anyone who is capable of throwing a block
* Jared Odrick has a chance to be this year’s Tyson Jackson. He is rapidly climbing up draft boards and could go as high as 7 to the Browns.
* I’m going to bypass the Big Ben / Santonio Holmes fiasco until the next article
* Finally, thankfully Ralph Wilson and company didn’t stand a chance against the new overtime rules. The NFL got something right and it shouldn’t be long until we see it happen in the regular season. Almost everyone with the exception of Matt Prater loves it. Kickers should only speak when spoken to.

True Story.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Come to papa....



A look inside the brain of a brilliant visionary 25 steps ahead of the game: "Wait, why don't we just use fried chicken instead of bread?"


True LDL

Friday, April 9, 2010

Sandra Bullock's Wikipedia


In an e-mail exchange between the founding fathers, this is what happens when one of us totally snaps:

C-Biz (10:25 AM EST):

http://boston.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/sandra-bullock-had-anal-sex-with-a-shotgun/


sandra bullock knows how to party.....everybody's thinking it so ill just say it: i can't wait until the video hits "the net"


10 minutes....read: 10 minutes! later a response of:



B-NaNa (10:35 AM EST):

Don't forget the national socialist party paraphernalia and the mark sanchez... I had heard rumors of this but this was supposedly a divine secret of the ya-ya sisterhood. She apparently isn't Gun Shy anymore, going a few rounds with the Demolition Man Jesse James at the lake house. Oh well, in love and war there are no rules, so the fact that mr monster garage is coming out with this story about attacking the blind side of ms congeniality with the speed of a two week notice is fantastic. Who knows, maybe he slipped a little love potion no. 9 in her drink to get the party going....oh well, hope floats I guess.



Thanks, wikipedia. Ps this is what happens at work, the banking industry is a disaster hahahah

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry



True Story.


PS: OK, how funny is that magazine cover now that you've read the Bullock story?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Luda Thursdays

OK...so maybe that's not an official True Story post day...yet.

After this, we may have to reconsider.

A tradition unlike any other, Ludacris' Sexting, on True Story!








True some golf tournament in a southern state that has some guy playing in it.


P.S. is Nike effing serious with this ad?
More importantly, is Earl Woods 2pac?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Alternative Awesomeness

In honor of summer-like conditions today in the northeast, what better to feature than the ultimate summer-time music? The Marleys:

Papa Marley and one of his most underrated tracks:



Damian with Nas:




Stephen and Mighty Mos (who makes yet another appearance on this blog). Good luck getting this out of your head today:




We'd be remiss if we didn't include a live Papa Marley jam:



True Story.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Crazy tidbits...

A little politics, a little unfair generalization, a little Battlefield Earth, you know, the usual.

Beck guest host Doc Thompson: Tanning salon tax makes health care reform a ‘racist law.’

Now that's just plain silly... I mean, doesn't everybody already know that this tax is Obama secretly trying to hold the white man (and his skin pigment) down? I'm sure it has nothing to do with this research. Look like a familiar policy? (thanks to Lindsay for the tip)


Stop the Sag

Taken straight from the NYC Stool a few days ago, this had to be shared. We get the big picture here, but really NY? really?


Chinese Freighter Slams Into Great Barrier Reef


What the hell China. We're getting sick and tired of you and your antics. First you have communism, the only mammals on earth that don't like to reproduce, fake CGI fireworks at the Olympics, and the 3054 most polluted cities in the world. Now you go and try to ruin one of the world's greatest natural wonders. I'm sure the tiny reef came out of nowhere right? True Story isn't about stereotypes, but it makes you wonder who was driving that tanker.


Finally, we're sorry sci-fi/John Travolta/Predator hair fans, this is too good not to post:



True Story.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Alternative Awesomeness

Today's artists: pure. unadulterated. rock. We literally can't get this off of our playlists. Enjoy this new jam that definitely tugs at our heartstrings.... :*(









True Fools.