True Story

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-10-27T15:50:00.003-04:00

Kanye West's 30 minute film/video for "Runaway"

After watching this America We don't have a GOT-DAMN thing to say about it.

That opening jam is pretty bangin', though.

True Kanye, Honestly.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-10-01T11:07:00.001-04:00

This week's choice comes from constant True Story contributor, Young Albatross. Frankly, we're not sure how we didn't come across this sooner, but let us just say that it doesn't get much better than Mr.Cee-Lo Green. We think this also places him almost in a league of his own, being one of the few people that could make both an (Un?)necessary Rap AND an Alternative Awesomeness post.

These things tend to happen when you cover Radiohead and appear on Aquemini.

Lets mix it up with the real song:

...as well as another ridiculously good cover of the same exact song, slightly altered, with Mr. 2na:

True Story.

Ut-oh Cinco

2010-09-30T15:30:00.001-04:00

Sex line listed on Chad Ochocinco's cereal

From ESPN:

"The phone number is supposed to connect callers to Feed the Children, which benefits from sales of "Ochocinco's". But because the box has the wrong toll-free prefix, they get a seductive-sounding woman who makes risque suggestions and then asks for a credit card number."

Kroger Co. should have learned a very important lesson from the movie Office Space:

"Monday morning details" are decently important when putting a phone number on a cereal box.

True Story.

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-09-29T20:48:00.001-04:00

New Naughty by Nature, "I Gotta Lotta" off their upcoming 2010 "Anthem, Inc".

Just some Classic Hip Hop Honored OG's (Class of '08) holdin' down a filthy beat with a hook from one Mr. Smif.

That's it, that's all. Move Along. Nothing to see here...

...except some of that crazy Illtown flow we know you love, America.

Yes, this means YOU 'Zel.

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-09-24T10:36:00.002-04:00

Track/video from The Roots' EXCELLENT new album from this past summer. An amazingly chill/laid back/grooved out album that you need to listen to if you want any of these feelings.....

Wait.....this sounds kind of familiar? Why is that?........

Any Alt-rock/folk fans out there?..................

Boom!

Crazy what happens sometimes when genres listen to each other, right?

When Public Enemy samples Buffalo Springfield, you realize The Roots weren't really that far off tradition with this one.

True Story.

Movies to look forward to???

2010-09-23T12:12:00.002-04:00

...we know we are.

Exhibit A:

Wait what?

From NY Mag, this is ACTUALLY going to happen:

"Previously, RZA wrote a kung fu movie with Eli Roth called The Man With the Iron Fists that he would both star in and direct, and got Universal to finance it for $20 million. Now: RZA says Russell Crowe will co-star with him in it as "the baddest man alive." Whether RZA picked Crowe because of their previous work together on American Gangster (the pair reportedly even recorded an unreleased song then), or because of Russell Crowe's natural affinity for punching things, this seems like a
fortuitously bonkers collaboration."

Where can we get this unreleased song? Please? Pretty please? RZA continues his fascination with kung fu/being awesome. In fact, this has been going on for a while now:

Exhibit B:

Excuse me?>

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

1. Keanu looks good, right?
2....Our reaction to this?

True Story.

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-09-22T12:50:00.005-04:00

Straight from True Story enthusiast Lady Dubbz from the land where the news never sleeps, we present to you "Bed Intruder".

Now, this video has been making the rounds all over the interwebs for some time now. And we, America, do NOT condone the initial circumstances that led to this interview and selection.

Hell, this Particular Writer sleeps like straight up Casey Jones to make sure that no one storms the True Story Castle during them evenin' time activities.

We do, however, condone gratuitous Auto-Tune Remixes.

And honestly, that unsub better take his Soul of Mischief and Chill from 93 'till Infinity, because after that video there is no doubt that "they gonna find him" so he can't bother anyone Never No More.

So you can run and tell THAT, America.

True Story.

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-09-15T10:58:00.009-04:00

Kanye ft Pusha T - "Runaway"
from Sunday's MTV VMA's

Now, a few things.

First, the way Aziz Ansari reacted to the Taylor Swift thing is exactly how We reacted to it.

Second, one of the more interesting things behind this song (besides the whole, "Let's give a toast to the douchebags..." chorus, and the reason it was even written in the first place) is that he's straight up making a MOVIE for the video.

You hear that, America?

40.
Effing.
Minutes.

They previewed a clip of that video/movie before the VMAs and it looks absolutely ridiculous.

Third, check out what the man himself says about the movie/video/ Kanyexploitation:

"It's the story of a phoenix fallen to Earth, and I make her my girlfriend, and people discriminate against her and eventually she has to burn herself alive and go back to her world. I've been feeling the idea of the phoenix. It's been in my heart for a while."

.....Duh. That's clearly the angle We were thinking. Don't worry Kanye, We've been definitely "Feeling the Phoenix" too...whatever the hell that freaking means.

Actually...that DID get us thinking, America.
What Phoenix is 'Ye feelin?

The University of Phoenix?

The Order of the Phoenix?

This Phoenix?

That Phoenix?

Straight up Phoenix?

Who knows, really.

All We know, America, is that:

A) Kanye needs a hug.
B) He makes great music regardless of how batsh*! he is and
C) He might have just dropped the biggest and best "Woe is me kinda/I'm Still going to make more Money than you ever will/but still this song is Catchy as Hell and an explanation of how you'll never explain my antics because you don't know who I am or where I come from" song since Naughty by Nature's "Everything's Gonna Be Alright".

...Except Kanye is deducted points, since he doesn't carry a Machete around.

I been a deadbeat, dead to the world and dead wrong
Since I was born that's my life, oh you don't know this song?
So don't say jack, and please don't say you understand
All that man to man talk just hot damn
If you ain't live you couldn't feel it, so kill it, skillet
And all that talk about it won't help it out, now will it?
And Illtown feel like I stuck-up props, got shot
Don't worry, I hit Bob, flurry, and his punk-ass dropped
But I'm the one who has been labeled as an outcast
They changin' schools, I'm the misfit that will outlast
But that's cool with the bull, smack 'em backwards
That's what you get for f$#%^n' with a ghetto bastard

Sounds about the same, yeah?

True Story.

We like sports.

2010-09-10T19:41:00.005-04:00

We also like comedy. Glad we established that. Without further ado:

Quite possibly the greatest sports interview in 5-10 years. So good, in fact, that Jimmy Rome doesn't even know how to react to most of it. Some main points:

1. Dude is coming in strong with that beard. REAL strong. The only thing that contends with that facial hair is this fine display of upper lipness.

2. Jim Rome: You get fined a thousand bucks for orange spikes.....What was the fine for?

Brian Wilson: "Duhhuhhpssst....(unamused)....having too much awesome on my feet?"....(Rome laughs, Wilson still unamused)..."clearly, that was the reason."

3. Scroll to 7:20....please.....and see him break out this and this.

New favorite closer? No? ummmm, moving on?

Old Spice continues its dominance of the commercial with one of their most ridiculous ones to date. We don't even know where to begin with this one....Wow. Lets shift to some more football:

Sorry, we tricked you on that one. We forgot to say (Un?)American football. Nonetheless, we feel like no one mentions this anymore. Yes, this did actually happen in 1997. Yes, that is Brazil playing France. Yes, that France team went on to win the 1998 World Cup. No the goalie didn't even move. Yes, it was just proven a few weeks ago by a French scientist that it was, physically repeatable:

Best free kick ever by Roberto Carlos was no fluke, claim scientists

As the Independent reported:

"Using tiny plastic balls and a slingshot, the French research team from the École Polytechnique in Palaiseau near Paris varied the velocity and spin of balls travelling through water to trace different trajectories.

While their research quickly confirmed the long known Magnus effect, which gives a spinning ball a curved trajectory, their research revealed fresh insight for spinning balls that are shot over a distance equivalent to Carlos' free kick."

Our question: Where are the physicists on this one?

What could top that? The finale:

To commemorate the start of football/Patriots season this Sunday, what better video to show you than a young a restless TFB. If only Tommy knew in this video that on September 9, 2010 he would be inches away from serious injury, only to sign the richest contract in the NFL later that day. Good omen? Good haircut?

True Story.

Who Dat Who Dat ?!

2010-09-08T16:25:00.004-04:00

NSFW

Us… Duh.

Yessir America, We’re back!

And by “We’re Back” we clearly mean we took 2 months off to handle some very important summer business and forgot to give you the heads up.

Woops. Our bad.

We Know. We Know. You're upset.

...But it's ok, 'cuz we have some more musical goodness coming your way!

Helping to (Un?)Necessarily welcome us back is the dude who’s also helping bring back the Roc, J.Cole (aka Hov’s first artist signed to RocNation)

Straight outta Fayetteville, NC, Jermaine Cole made his moves up to NYC and hit up St John’s to follow some of Hip Hop’s true legends in lyrics and fashion.

Oh, and also some other guy named Darryl McDaniels and his friends from Hollis, Queens.
You may/may not have heard of them.

Anyways, Dude’s blowing up after dropping a crazy mixtape in “The Warm Up” (which we highly suggest), getting featured on The Blueprint 3 and is currently on tour with another True Story fave Wale.

In the meantime, here’s a few other choice hits that we've been digging:

“Higher”

“Lights Please”

So No Worries kiddos, we got what you need. Until next time, Enjoy!

True North Cackalacky.

Alternative (sort of) Awesomeness

2010-07-09T11:04:00.007-04:00

Our AA segment returns to celebrate the 70th birthday of the alternative Beatle, Ringo Starr!

The oldest member of the Fab 4 (so sad that Lennon would only be 69 if still alive today)and the last member to join the group, it took a while for John and Paul to actually let him record his own track. Maybe it was this that helped them come to that conclusion, but who knows? Some of his best examples:

His first:

C'Biz's favorite:

What you write on acid, as well as our tribute to the another notable Paul:

As well as the ones all of you already know:

But wait, why not mention his TV career while we're at it?

Wine cooler, anyone?

Happy Birthday Richard Starkey, you even somehow made your way into the plot of a 2009 yuppie chick flick!

Tom: Nobody loves Ringo Starr.
Summer: That's what I love about him.

True Story.

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-07-07T23:28:00.002-04:00

New from the Party Boyz:

"She like it when I hit the Daddy Stroke."

True Duh.

Holy. $%^! .

2010-06-30T23:02:00.004-04:00

Very Necessary.

Sir Lucious Left Foot.

Shutterbug.

Off the Son of Chico Dusty.

From Daddy Fat Sacks himself:

"It's basically a cut that's all about capturing the moment, whether it be your kid's first steps or you got a Polaroid and you with your lady somewhere...It's about capturing the moment and getting them good times. When you look at certain photos, it takes you back to the moment, and that's what it's about. It's a funky, get-down, slap-your-sister-in-the-mouth jam."

True Southernplayalisticadillacstory.

To be continued once we regain consciousness...

Jerseys, anyone?

2010-06-06T12:24:00.016-04:00

We've wasted over an hour on this site...and have some astute observations on what has to be the best spectacle of jersey-porn the world has seen since, well, the 2006 World Cup. Some random, off-the-wall, at times probably offensive, analysis:

U-S-A....U-S-A...

First thing's first. No jersey has been as widely debated in a very long time. Some people love it, some people think its as awful as Killers.
Our favorite quote comes from SMC's former Commander In Chief: "The U.S. away jerseys make them look like they just won a pageant."

Spain

An absolutely untouchable jersey. Screams "Don't f%$ck with me!" Or in the words of I-Biz: "Spain's jerseys literally look like they will come off of the racks and kick your ass. Like every evil team in an 80s movie." Speaking of 80's movie villains, notice a trend with Espana?

Argentina

Classic jersey. Led to this exchange:

C-Biz: Dude, I always love the Argentina stripes.
Young Albatross: I don't know, its a bit Messi.

ZIIIIIING!

Germany

Probably the biggest, meanest, angriest sounding (lets face it, the German language doesn't sound understated) group of football players NEED awesome, intimidating black jerseys. Its science.

Ivory Coast

C-Biz's favorite jersey. Love the orange/green combo, love the subtle elephant design on the top left (Puma did similar wonders with Algeria's Desert Fox design) love pretty much everything about it, besides the $105 price tag. One thing we wonder, however. Do you think they will sell the Drogba orange and green arm-cast too?

New Zealand

What the hell? Out of the 32 teams, New Zealand's threads have to be the undisputed champion of suck. As if their chances on the field weren't dreadful enough, they are stuck wearing these for the 3 games they have to show up to. We can't even come up with a good Lord of The Rings OR Flight of the Conchords joke for this. Young Albatross has another issue with these rags: "Were they trying to steal Canada's thunder with the singular nonthreatening floral logo?"

Slovenia

Basically, this is what it would look like if Charlie Brown became a meth-addict and was subsequently put in charge of Slovenia's jersey design team. Right Sasha?

Algeria

A little different than the Desert Fox home jerseys. Young Alby says "pea soup vomit" green. We say "post-Gatorade-binge stool sample" green. What do you think?

Democratic People's Republic of Korea (aka North Dictatorship)

...............................

Wait, no jersey has been released yet? Oh, ok.

Oh Kim Jong, you silly goose:

Vendors Leave No Shirt Unturned Seeking North Korean Soccer Duds

Ok, so the WSJ has answered that question. That won't stop us from picking up our DPRK onesies!

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-05-26T17:19:00.003-04:00

New jam from the Black Keys. Ever since Danger Mouse produced their last album they have been blowing up a little, and this track will definitely keep the momentum going.

The real story here is the video. Kids need loving too right? To all of our many middle-school readers, make sure to use protection.

That being said, I think Ahmad perfectly sums up this Black Keys video:

"To play hide and go get it with the younger hoes by the bungaloes "

Very True Story.

Very Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-05-19T00:15:00.002-04:00

Kenan, Kel....All That, you're up for the 200th post on True Story.

OutKast is for the children.

True Aquemini.

Zombie Beatles?

2010-05-13T10:28:00.004-04:00

WTF?

The Beatles Join the Zombie Hit Parade

We're not quite sure how to explain this, so lets just copy and paste:

Written as oral history, the book details how Lennon, a zombie guitarist in Liverpool, kills and reanimates McCartney, then does the same with Harrison and Starr. They create hits and bloody mayhem across the world, pursued by England's greatest zombie hunter, Mick Jagger. They also engage in a battle with Eighth Level Ninja Lord Yoko Ono, and snack on the brains of swooning fans.

Huuuuuuh? Is this real life? Did we accidentally take the brown acid this morning? Of course, we turned to Youtube for some kind of ratification and it looks like this idea has been brewing for some time? Frankly, this video is not very funny, and painful to watch.

The one bright spot? The 2010 fantasy football name "The Eight Level Ninja Lord Yoko Onos"

(Editor's Note: Finally an excuse to post this video!)

True Zombie.

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-05-12T00:30:00.003-04:00

Coming in live from the Planet

Straight outta '94, Lil Vicious ft Doug E. Fresh -- "Freaks"

OK. So...$100 USD to anyone who figures out the lyrics.

We mean, this kid honestly makes about as much sense as our boy Steveland's Tweets.

Oh well, y'know, you'll have that. We feel you youngblood -- we Ain't mad atchya.

Some Girls are freaks.

True Bucktown Gibberish.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-05-11T10:28:00.002-04:00

Fresh off the show in Hipsterville, the new album from BSS proves once again that lots of Canadians and guitars produce some pretty good sounds. This album is all over the place, which you would expect from a compilation band, but one thing remains certain, "World Sick" is one hell of an opening track:

True Story.

OH. MY. GOD.

2010-05-11T00:11:00.004-04:00

Sunday's Family Guy.

No words.
(Yes, the full episode is below. Wanna fight about it?)

Finkle is Einhorn.

True Roger Podacter.

IT'S TIME FOR THE PERCOLATOR!!

2010-05-05T22:57:00.004-04:00

Cajmere - "Coffee Pot (It's Time for the Percolator)"

How to get it in:

How to...not.

True Story.

Charlie Brown would not have made The Show

2010-04-29T10:46:00.005-04:00

Calculating Charlie Brown's Wins, Losses, & Other Stats: Introduction

Okay, so Chuck wouldn't get called up from AAA-Pawtucket, or Single-A Lowell for that matter. But he has to be considered one of the worst coaches of all-time right? Butchering both performance arts and sports is a big red flag that Charles needs to just chill out and step down from leadership roles. I mean, lets just scratch the surface a little bit:

1. Schroeder at Catcher?!?! We all had friends growing up that hated sports, lets just say he was definitely not going to cut it behind the plate. Some people were born to play RF. He even quits on his team in the early 60's to play piano. Wow, couldn't see THAT one coming....

2. Lucy needed to be manager of this team. A Bobby Knight, in-your-face style would have terrified everyone into not-sucking. However, her lack of loyalty is worrisome.

3. Worst fielding pitcher of all-time too? Chaz wasn't exactly Greg Maddux....

4. Having a dog play SS sure doesn't help matters. Weak.

In all seriousness, the guy that analyzed this deserves some sort of award for his work. This is Bill James type sh@t:

"EDIT: On August 5, 1962, Snoopy and Linus turn a double-play to end the game. As a reader pointed out, this must mean that Team Peanuts won the game. I initially considered this strip as one with an unclear outcome, but that's not so. The only way the game can end with the defensive team turning a double-play is if they have the lead in the top of the ninth. This is notable because it's the first time that the team is shown winning a game without any strange circumstances. The nonchalance that Snoopy and Linus show with the win is also uncharacteristic. Maybe Charles Schulz didn't realize the double-play implied a win for Team Peanuts? I don't know..."

True lots of free time for that guy....

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-04-28T02:00:00.000-04:00

Prodigy is a rapper.
Prodigy is in Prison.
Prodigy decides to rap from prison via Phone call.

Questions?

"The Phone Tap (Welcome to State Prison)"(NSFW)

Absolutely genius concept, if anything.

Ayo whattup wit it?
Yeah, it's been a minute
I'm good on this side of the fence
same $h*t,
different spot on the navigation,
just bein' patient,
Workin' out -- reading, writing,
y'know, the basics.
Corrections, Got word from Albany,
to Keep me in voluntary PC.
Which means,
The State decides where I live.
Can't sign out,
'Cuz I never signed in...

True Infamous.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-04-27T02:00:00.001-04:00

...part deux.

Ooks of Hazzard - Kids (MGMT Cover)

True 7 Ukeleles , 1 Accordion and a Cajon

How Bostonians View Massachusetts

2010-04-26T02:00:00.000-04:00

No Seriously, Wicked True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-04-25T20:21:00.009-04:00

It has been a decent couple of months for Damon Albarn. Who the heck is that? Damon Albarn is the man all of you may know as the lead singer of this group. Seeing how he's been pretty busy with that "project" over the last few years, many might not realize why his voice sounds so familiar. Well......it just so happens that he's also the lead singer of the classic British band, Blur. Still don't know? Confused by our incompetence? Anyone who has ever been to a professional sports game, click. There ya go, familiar. Well other than that drunken anthem, it turns out they had a pretty solid career with great tunes like this one (really, watch that video, its outstanding).

That being said, this week we have the first song from Blur in 7 or so years, that just happened to have been released last week for free download by the band.

Along with that, please enjoy I-Biz and C-Biz's favorite track from Plastic Beach, Albarn's other "side project".

True Story.

Just in time for this weekend's Ballmore series....

2010-04-24T17:21:00.008-04:00

Red Sox Announce Plans To Return Fenway To Original 1912 Conditions

Drew Kiper's 2010 Mock Draft

2010-04-21T22:18:00.002-04:00

1. St. Louis – Sam Bradford – The obvious and really only pick here. Very strong armed QB that has potential to resurrect the franchise. However, I’m only a fan of throwing a QB into the fire if the right weapons are there (See Mark Sanchez last year). . . . . .with poor line play and no proven commodities, throwing Bradford in right away is only going to limit his future potential. Rams would’ve been better keeping Bulger and let Bradford sit for a year.

2. Detroit – Ndamukong Suh – Great pass rushing threat. Going to Jim Schwartz gives him potential to be the next man-beast. Going to Detroit gives him potential to be the next bust at DT (see Gerrard Warren, Travis Johnson, Dewayne Robertson, Jonathan Sullivan, Ryan Sims, etc)

3. Tampa - Gerald McCoy – Fans are expecting the next Warren Sapp here. Whereas McCoy will be good, he’ll be closer to Booger McFarland than Sapp.

4. Washington – Trent Williams – Rumblings out of DC are that Shannahan likes the more athletic Williams than the better prospect Okung. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them trade down though and try to grab him. Either way, they need somebody to protect McNabb.

5. KC – Russell Okung – A true gift to Pioli and the Chefs. This allows them to move Albert to at least the right tackle (but hopefully back to guard where he belongs). Gives the offense some real upside if they can solidify this spot.

6. Seattle – Charles Brown – Many of you draftniks are surprised to see Brown here. He is probably the 5th best tackle in this draft. Admittedly, this is a horrible pick. Every draft has them (see Tyson Jackson, Aaron Maybin from last year and every single one of the Raiders pick within the last 7 years). I think Carroll tries to recreate his success by bringing in his players and by having Ray Willis as the current starting left tackle, Seattle knows that it needs to draft one.

7. Cleveland – Eric Berry – Berry has the potential to give Cleveland’s defense some identity and toughness. I think he is a penciled in starter for 10 yrs and not much more, but in reality that’s all you need out of your draft picks.

8. Oakland – Bruce Campbell – And the streak continues. Campbell ran one of the fastest 40s at the Combine for a lineman. Pretty much sealed his fate as becoming a Raider, benched Raider, and valet driver as his career path

9. Buffalo – Jimmy Clausen – I really like Clausen, but this is one of the worst scenarios for him. Poor line play, poor running game, poor defense, and with the exception of Lee Evans, poor targets. For his sake, I hope they pass on him. *Clausen will be the biggest wild card this year. Where he goes will dictate the rest of the draft

10. Jacksonville – Rolando McClain – Another pick I’m not a fan of, but Jags brass have all but signed him up. Have fun playing in Los Angeles for a new coach next year!

11. Denver – Dez Bryant – If Bryant turns into the head-case that everyone wants him to be, then this is a horrible pick. If he turns into the play-maker head-case that most people think he is, then it’s a wash with the Marshall trade. If he turns into just the play-maker that only he thinks he is, then this offense will be taken to a whole new level.

12. Miami – Dan Williams – Classic Parcells guy. I also like Sergio Kindle here, but with the age and looming suspension of Jason Ferguson, d-line becomes more of a priority. *Look for CJ Spiller here as a dark horse.

13. SF – Joe Haden – Potential lock down corner with superstar potential will provide the 49ers with a cornerstone of that defense.

14. Seattle – Everson Griffen – Another USC guy. Again, purpose bad pick. Not a fan of Carroll in the NFL and Seattle hasn’t been great with its picks as of recent.

15. G-men – CJ Spiller – If the G-men are smart, this is the pick. Spiller will fail as a feature back (see Reggie Bush) but will excel as part of a tandem and used strictly as an open field playmaker (see Reggie Bush). Takes the offense to a new height as long as the bitch Manning gets off the pill and starts throwing the ball.

16. Tennessee – Jason Pierre-Paul – One of the most gifted pass rushers in the draft. Tennessee staff has been said to liken him to Jevon Kearse.

17. SF – Anthony Davis – Perfect fit at RT for that line . . . . . although I’m never a fan of using a first rounder on a RT. Davis will never live up to his draft position and many tackles drafted below him will become superior options down the road.

18. Pitt – Kyle Wilson – One of my favorite corners in the draft. Straight up play maker in the secondary that instantly fills a need for the Steelers. Also look for an interior lineman here. *Craziest scenario possible: Clausen falls, Pitt trades Rapelisberger and grabs him here. Not gonna happen, but would completely shake the NFL foundations

19. Atlanta – Brandon Graham – Good pass rusher that fills the void that Jamal Anderson was suppose to a couple years ago. If they are patient with him, he could become a potential Pro Bowler. If they rush him, they get a solid player at best.

20. Houston – Ryan Matthews – The final piece to the explosive offense. Personally, I draft defense here and/or receiver Demaryius Thomas to complement Andre the Giant.

21. Cincy – Jermaine Gresham – Still skeptical about this pick. Every year, Cincy is the favorite for a TE. Every year, Cincy passes. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him get bypassed again.

22. NE – Maurkice Pouncey – Pouncey is a Belichek player which is why I give him the nod over Thomas. Pouncey gives them a toughness upfront and eases the pain for when Logan Mankins walks in the near future.

23. GB – Bryan Bulga – If Seattle is somehow smart, then I switch Bulga and Brown. Rogers is the key to that offense but can’t do anything if he ends up gang banged on every down.

24. Philadelphia – Devin McCourty – Everything out of Philly is saying McCourty is the pick if he’s available. Gives them a replacement to the departed Sheldon Brown

25. Baltimore – Jared Odrick – This pick will not happen. I believe that Odrick is the fastest rising player on draft boards and I see him going realistically somewhere in the teens; however, if he does fall, he gives Baltimore an argument for one of the best d-lines in football.

26. Arizona – Sean Witherspoon – Instant replacement for Dansby. . . . . . History tells us that most of the time when a high draft pick is expected to replace a Pro Bowler, he busts (see Troy Williamson). Very possibly the fate here.

27. Dallas – Earl Thomas – An absolute gift here that gives Dallas the secondary help they desperately need.

28. SD – Terrence Cody – The key to the 3-4 defense is the nose tackle. Terrence Cody is nothing more than amorphous blog in the resemblance of Rosie O’Donnell, which is all he needs to be as the nose tackle. *As if it matters fact of the day, Terrence Cody ran the slowest 40 yard dash for a defensive player in the last 20 years.

29. J-E-T-S – Sergio Kindle – I love how the recent trend has been that the Jets need to draft a pass rusher so that everyone forgets about Vernon Gholston, when in fact, everyone has already forgotten who Vernon Gholston is anyway.

30. Minny – Chris Cook – I love Kareem Jackson here, but Chilly and Co are not expecting him to be here and have fallen in love with Cook.

31. Indy – Mike Iupati – If they play him at guard, he becomes a perfect fit to the new face that Caldwell is trying to put on the Colts

32. NO – Kareem Jackson – BPA. For a Super Bowl winner, New Orleans has so many holes that they can take the best player available. They could easily draft DT, DE, S, OL, or RB.

OH. MY. GOD.

2010-04-21T00:34:00.002-04:00

Mystikal is out of jail.

Rejoice!

NSFW. Obviously. It's effing Mystikal, people.

Mystikal & Luda performing "Move" for the first time in 9 years ...

Fresh off his release, Mystikal let it be known that he will be back in the game with a vengeance....Speech! (h/t Wikipedia)

“ I was gone so long, all the things I achieved, all the accolades I attained, it felt like it was dream. It felt like I'd never done that stuff. But watch how I shake this world up now — I want reparations.”

Wait...what the hell does that even mean?

Ah, who cares. Jail does crazy things to the mind.

True DAAAAAAAAANE-JAH!

Straight-up Baby Making Music

2010-04-16T23:01:00.006-04:00

Honestly, is there a better jam than Stevland Hardaway Morris' immortal 72 hit "Superstition"?

Wethinks not.
(Is Wethinks a word? Methinks in a plural sense? Whatever, it is now.)

What, need more proof of this songs collective power, one that makes people jump up and start flailing their bodies around in jubilation (read: drunk)?

Let's go back and check out some of the scenes from the video, shall we?

These people are feelin' it...

Now everybody, Scream!
This sequence..just..watch...

Don't really know what's better about this next one...the guy's ponytail, or Tito Francona rocking out next to him:

Straight-up.

And there we have it kiddos....this joint is impossible to hate.

Well...unless you're this guy...

True Stevie.
(Kinda looks like Barry Bonds...no?)

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-04-15T10:11:00.005-04:00

This week's selection, the 2nd song we've featured from Broken Bells' debut album, um, Broken Bells. While the record is nothing overly fantastic, there are a few real quality tracks.

This song stands above the rest, in our opinion. Ironically, this might be the one song where you could literally guess that its a cross between the Shins and Danger Mouse. Try not to groove out too hard when the keyboards first come in:

True Story

Excuses, excuses.....

2010-04-13T10:44:00.004-04:00

Are you talking about your bowel movements or your baseball team Mr. Ho Park? We think the best part might be Mo Rivera (most likely the best closer ever) looking very amused while eavesdropping/getting dressed in the background. (Thanks to AJ for the tip)

True Story.

The Return of Drew Kiper Jr.

2010-04-11T19:30:00.000-04:00

The most prolific offseason trade since the Bush Administration (yeah that Bush) has forced Drew Kiper Jr outta retirement. With McNabb off to see the nation’s capital and work with Shanahans (You know, the coach that actually has a Lombardi Trophy and actually worked with a couple of Hall of Fame quarterbacks), the district becomes a contender in the NFC East and immediately jumps over the Iggles.

First, just to recap, Philadelphia sends Donovan McNabb to Washington for the #37 overall pick this year and a conditional pick next year. McNabb now has the opportunity to spark an anemic offense with arguably the best set of weapons he has ever had (with the exception of last year and possibly this guy). The two downgrades he will have to face is the lack of an offensive line and a lack of a pass catching backfield. Look for Shanny and company to use the 4th overall on either Russell Okung or Trent Williams. As for the other, look for McNabb to rely heavier on TEs Chris Cooley and Fred Davis. (I would say Brian Westbrook is available, but another RB over 30?? Might as well sign Brian Mitchell back).

On the Iggles side, this deal hinges on Kevin Kolb, which personally I’m not sold on. Yeah Kolb had a couple of back to back 300 yd games. . . .. . .against the Chefs (btw, shout out to Project Pat for the ending of that commercial) and the Saints, who aren’t exactly a defensive powerhouse. Kolb also sports a career 68.9 QB rating and a 4:7 TD:INT ratio. He also lacks the arm strength of McNabb (a key if you’re throwing to DeSean Jackson), not to mention the running ability. If Kolb does work out though, the nucleus of that offense could be very good for a very long time.

DKJ Quick Hits:

* The Rams released Marc Bulger and his $8.5 million salary. Once an elite QB in this league, Bulger was on his back more than Lindsey Lohan due to the Rams porous offensive line. On a related note, after completing his pro day workout, Bradford already was begging Rams brass to draft, sign, and trade for anyone who is capable of throwing a block
* Jared Odrick has a chance to be this year’s Tyson Jackson. He is rapidly climbing up draft boards and could go as high as 7 to the Browns.
* I’m going to bypass the Big Ben / Santonio Holmes fiasco until the next article
* Finally, thankfully Ralph Wilson and company didn’t stand a chance against the new overtime rules. The NFL got something right and it shouldn’t be long until we see it happen in the regular season. Almost everyone with the exception of Matt Prater loves it. Kickers should only speak when spoken to.

True Story.

Come to papa....

2010-04-10T19:37:00.003-04:00

A look inside the brain of a brilliant visionary 25 steps ahead of the game: "Wait, why don't we just use fried chicken instead of bread?"

True LDL

Sandra Bullock's Wikipedia

2010-04-09T00:45:00.002-04:00

In an e-mail exchange between the founding fathers, this is what happens when one of us totally snaps:

C-Biz (10:25 AM EST):

http://boston.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/sandra-bullock-had-anal-sex-with-a-shotgun/

sandra bullock knows how to party.....everybody's thinking it so ill just say it: i can't wait until the video hits "the net"

10 minutes....read: 10 minutes! later a response of:

B-NaNa (10:35 AM EST):

Don't forget the national socialist party paraphernalia and the mark sanchez... I had heard rumors of this but this was supposedly a divine secret of the ya-ya sisterhood. She apparently isn't Gun Shy anymore, going a few rounds with the Demolition Man Jesse James at the lake house. Oh well, in love and war there are no rules, so the fact that mr monster garage is coming out with this story about attacking the blind side of ms congeniality with the speed of a two week notice is fantastic. Who knows, maybe he slipped a little love potion no. 9 in her drink to get the party going....oh well, hope floats I guess.

Thanks, wikipedia. Ps this is what happens at work, the banking industry is a disaster hahahah

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

True Story.

PS: OK, how funny is that magazine cover now that you've read the Bullock story?

Luda Thursdays

2010-04-08T00:44:00.004-04:00

OK...so maybe that's not an official True Story post day...yet.

After this, we may have to reconsider.

A tradition unlike any other, Ludacris' Sexting, on True Story!

True some golf tournament in a southern state that has some guy playing in it.

P.S. is Nike effing serious with this ad?
More importantly, is Earl Woods 2pac?

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-04-07T11:18:00.003-04:00

In honor of summer-like conditions today in the northeast, what better to feature than the ultimate summer-time music? The Marleys:

Papa Marley and one of his most underrated tracks:

Damian with Nas:

Stephen and Mighty Mos (who makes yet another appearance on this blog). Good luck getting this out of your head today:

We'd be remiss if we didn't include a live Papa Marley jam:

True Story.

Crazy tidbits...

2010-04-05T01:15:00.004-04:00

A little politics, a little unfair generalization, a little Battlefield Earth, you know, the usual.

Beck guest host Doc Thompson: Tanning salon tax makes health care reform a ‘racist law.’

Now that's just plain silly... I mean, doesn't everybody already know that this tax is Obama secretly trying to hold the white man (and his skin pigment) down? I'm sure it has nothing to do with this research. Look like a familiar policy? (thanks to Lindsay for the tip)

Stop the Sag

Taken straight from the NYC Stool a few days ago, this had to be shared. We get the big picture here, but really NY? really?

Chinese Freighter Slams Into Great Barrier Reef

What the hell China. We're getting sick and tired of you and your antics. First you have communism, the only mammals on earth that don't like to reproduce, fake CGI fireworks at the Olympics, and the 3054 most polluted cities in the world. Now you go and try to ruin one of the world's greatest natural wonders. I'm sure the tiny reef came out of nowhere right? True Story isn't about stereotypes, but it makes you wonder who was driving that tanker.

Finally, we're sorry sci-fi/John Travolta/Predator hair fans, this is too good not to post:

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-04-01T11:19:00.002-04:00

Today's artists: pure. unadulterated. rock. We literally can't get this off of our playlists. Enjoy this new jam that definitely tugs at our heartstrings.... :*(

True Fools.

(Un?)Constitutional Rap Tuesday

2010-03-23T12:14:00.004-04:00

We aren't saying whether we are for or against this new health care legislation. However, one thing comes to mind:

How funny would it have been if right after President Oballa signed the bill, he got up and started strutting around to this:

True Story.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T11:45:00.002-04:00

Top O' The Mornin' To Ya!

This week's (Un?)necessary Rap selection involves one of the all-time classics:

Self Explanatory.

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-03-11T23:37:00.003-05:00

Lots of new stuff for everybody today. The first one is what would happen if Fleet Foxes and Grizzly Bear ever had a one-night stand and forgot to use protection (albeit the baby would have John Oates' mustache):

Yes, this is Peter Gabriel. Yes, this is a Bon Iver cover. No, Gabriel has nothing to do with Hot Tub Time Machine.

Catchy song, plain and simple. This is what they should be playing on mainstream radio. OK, we're off of the soapbox.

Brand new MGMT. Still can't believe they opened up for Paul McCartney on his 09 US stadium tour. We haven't seen more confused 65+ people since Al Gore first invented the internet.

True Story.

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-03-09T23:51:00.004-05:00

We aren't going to even justify this with an explanation.

Wacka Flocka Flame - O Let's Do It

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-03-04T09:57:00.005-05:00

This week's entry comes from True Story reader and SMC alum Young Albatross:

"I don't know if you like these guys, they are Boilen favorites and "Home" has been playing on 102.7 (which I listen to going to and from work now that I know it comes in pretty clear down that way). Definitely cultish, definitely interesting, but pretty damn cool...

"Also......I'm pretty sure we could join the band if we just "let ourselves go" for a month or two...and learned how to play a tambourine or something... "

Also check out this live performance in the NPR music office in Washington, D.C. NPR sets us up for this spectacle:

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros can't exactly slip into an office building unnoticed: Clad in the same clothes they'd worn at a concert the night before, the L.A. band's 10 ragtag misfits would have fit in far more seamlessly at, say, Burning Man. Seeming to exist in a blissed-out alternate universe — during the wonderful "Home," singer Jade Castrinos exclaims, "Good morning, everybody!" as the clock behind her reads 2:10 p.m. — this is a band whose performances beg to be seen as well as heard, not to mention shot through a wide-angle lens.

The biggest band to play a Tiny Desk Concert - the 10 members of The Magnetic Zeroes played three songs from their debut album (Up From Below).

The set included:
- Janglin
- Home
- 40 Day Daydream

(Editors Note: Is it too late to take accordion lessons???)

True Beards.

And thus starts the great month of March.....

2010-03-01T12:06:00.006-05:00

-This will happen from time to time. I mean, whenever Broadway Joe's kind-of-intimidating, semi-smokeshow(?) daughter gets caught with more weed on her than the cast of Chapelle's Show, we feel obligated to report it. We juswanna kisserr.

Speaking of Chapelle's Show....this is the only Tiger Woods press conference we remember:

-First mention of hockey in this blog's history? Yessssir. Congrats to the USA for the effort, as well as for the first time a non-Patriots/Red Sox/Celtics(for 1 of us) affiliated sports moment made us jump out of our seat. But as we read yesterday, we can't wait to celebrate when the U.S. shocks the world and beats Canada in basketball. Bitter? Kind of.

-Why does everyone in this country go absolutely haywire when a tragic story involving an animal occurs? Does anyone else find it slightly absurd that a serial-killer whale is getting probably just as much coverage as one of the 5 largest earthquakes of all-time? What in the wide world of sports is going on here?

Too soon?....

.....True Story.

(Un?)Necessary Rap Wednesdays

2010-02-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

...no really, it's on a Wednesday this time.

Swear to Gawd!.

Check the calendar and stuff and things.

Anyways, this week's installment comes in the form of the new jam blowing up the NYC radiowaves and hitting all the city hotspots

Behold, "Beamer, Benz or Bentley" by Juelz Santana and Lloyd Banks:

Now, honestly, this is a solid tune. Lord knows better than what both of them have been coming out with lately.

We mean...
Simple Hook? Check.
Ridiculous Beat? Check. (We see you 'Bre)
Harlem? Queens? Double Check.

...But that's not why we have it featured, America.

It's for this simple reason....Lloyd Banks' face on the video clip.

Seriously.

We play this every 5 minutes, and we seriously cannot look away from Lloyd Banks.

It's like We're at the Art Institute of Chicago

Woah...sorry...tweaked out there for a second...our bad!

Here's something to make up for it:

Same Name, Different Thang...
Fresh off the 1995 New Jersey Drive soundtrack
(a movie about GTA in Newark...Shocker.)

Outkast's Own:
"Benz or Beamer"

True Shruggin'.

Alternative Awesomeness

2010-02-19T09:55:00.005-05:00

A classic throwback(and one of our all-time favorite videos) combined with a new one from Gorillaz featuring Bobby Womack and Mighty Mos....which is by far the weirdest song we've heard in a long time.

True Story.

Olympic Fever

2010-02-16T12:25:00.002-05:00

So what if basketball is in the summer games? Canada's native son continues his comic brilliance.

True Story.

True Politics

2010-02-13T11:34:00.007-05:00

You might be wondering, what questions do we ask ourselves when we choose to post videos on this website? Lets break it down for you, and give you a look into some of the determining factors:

Awkward congressmen with that weird self-connected walking camera angle from all of those ghost hunter/haunted house shows? A shout-out to Five Guys, one of the single greatest fast food establishments in this nation? A truly memorable fire-pole fail? A really, really, pathetic and forced metaphoric "key" to health care? A very uncomfortable moment where a congressmen gets really excited over his H&M modeling toddler nephew...ummm uhhh...NIECE? The Five Guys congressman giving a slightly nervous and lumbering mention of Joe Wilson and duct tape several times in the same sentence? Polis going to see Lady Gaga in NYC, rather than voting for Health Care reform?!?!?! I'd say this is a safe bet.

True Story....and.....

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Two Words

2010-02-11T22:52:00.009-05:00

Wale. Roots.

Pretty Girls.

Wale - Pretty Girls (Jimmy Fallon Live)

Rising Up.

The Roots Ft. Chrisette Michelle & Wale - Rising Up

True Story.

When Snooki Met Phoenix At The Grammys » MTV Newsroom

2010-02-03T12:34:00.002-05:00

When Snooki Met Phoenix At The Grammys » MTV Newsroom

The most awkward encounter since this or this. Please, its self-explanatory and one of the best 83 seconds of video you'll ever see.

True Snooki.

(Un?)Necessary Time between Posts

2010-02-02T23:46:00.005-05:00

Naaah.... you know what? F that America, 4 Posts in a week!

Buckle up kids, here comes some rambling you haven't seen in decades...

(NSFW. Duh.)

...Here are some moving pictures to go with what's currently playing in True Story's iPod:

It's still early, but Hov's in the lead for Video of the Year 2k10 with "On to the Next One"

Gotta Love Snoopy D-O-Dubb, still pumpin out jams that are all the rage at all the young adult hang out locales I'm sure...

As oppossed to this joint...which inspired these words from iBiz....

"Call me Mr. Flintstone? I can make your Bed Rock? Are you F#$%@ng Kidding me??"

How about this as the Sneaky Jam of the year? Precisely.

Also:

It turns out, you cannot always make Lemonade out of Lemons
(P.S. Can someone please explain to us what exactly is going on in either video?
Anything? No? Moving on!)

OK. It's Official. New Rap kinda Sucks. Ok? OK!

Actually...we take that back....Bless the Interwebs and Google Machine.

Just when we thought we were out of the (Un?)Necessary Game America, Bun B and Luda reel us back in.

True Story is for the Children.

Way more random than an MLB drug test.....

2010-02-02T10:06:00.003-05:00

Happy February 2nd!
We thought we'd cheer you up after the inevitable 6 weeks of winter most likely predicted by that rotten rodent down in the Keystone state. That's right, 3 posts in the last week!

-Check out yet another awesome video by OK Go, featuring the Notre Dame Marching Band. You're going to have to click the link as they won't let us post it. Very uncouth of them.

-New music from Danger Mouse and James Mercer

-Rest In Peace J.D. Salinger, author of one of the greatest novels of all time. A lot can be said in his regard, but all of it is summarized perfectly in our friend's blogpost from a few days ago.

-This year's Super Bowl comes this Sunday, and while Drew Kiper Jr. is still M.I.A, we're obligated to say a few things. First of all, we can't stand Peyton Manning. That being said, he is probably the best quarterback of all-time. If he wins or loses this game, its a pretty good possibility that he will go down in history as #1. Not Montana....not Marino....not Staubach.....not Favrah....not even Brades!

So it is up to the Who Dats to somehow try to contain the wrath of Mr. Cut That Meat. Blitz 6, 7, even 8 guys like they say they will? That will probably leave Pierre Garcon, Dallas Clark, or Austin "your uncle molests" Collie (suck on THAT Chris Berman) wide open when he inevitably avoids the pass rush. Play it cool and send 3-4 guys in expanded coverage schemes? That will allow him way too much time to hit one of those guys, all the while this is assuming Reggie Wayne gets doubled.

Long story short: it is up to the Saints defense (that got dominated by Minny) to make a few stops, or we're in for a boring blowout......More terrifying is the possibility of another Manning Super Bowl being parlayed with commercials involving pro-life rants by Tim Tebow. Sweet Jesus New Orleans, watch some film.

-And finally, two things are explained here:
1. Reason #834 why we love Steve Nash
2. Reason #1 why the Suns are playing so much better this year.
(Why isn't Leandro Barbosa up for an Oscar for this performance? All NIIIIGHH-GH-GH-GHT)

True Story.

An ode to Pants-Off Dance-Off

2010-01-27T23:34:00.002-05:00

I-Biz weighs in:

"oh FUSE. we had such high hopes for you. as MTV slipped into their coma of who's shagging who's transvestite cousin in this season's peruvian beach house, you gave us back our music. oh those sweet focus group approved music videos we all sorely missed. That is, until you got so fed up with it all, you upped the ante and launched. "pants off dance off"

As the newspaper dies a slow death, it's my feeling that the internet is the future as a record of the past. all the microfiche in the world at your local library isn't ready for this archive. forever logged into history. Its worth a trip down memory lane or a fresh look if you missed the late time slot. Yet again proving the liberal media never misses a good story.

NYTimes: On Fuse’s ‘Pants-Off Dance-Off,’ Amateurs Dance and Disrobe

after you read the article make sure to youtube the hell out of it."

(Editor's Note: Why yes, why don't we?)

True 2010

2010-01-25T22:06:00.006-05:00

We're "back from sabbatical this mathematical magical stealth with the microphone.... Seeing knowledge as self...Its here to elevate, regulate...."

And allll off that jazz....

That's right, we're back from a long holiday break that we know you didn't appreciate. Lots has happened since than:

1. Pocahontas came out in 3-D movie theaters everywhere.

2. Scott Brown shocked the world(and us) politically, but mainly for this proclamation:

Scott: Keep it real man, keep it real. Brown sisters: truestoryblog@gmail.com

3. C-Biz just got back from Canada......enjoyed all of its amenities, even tolerated a little bit of hockey/Rush music:

Awesome drumming, but why is he wearing this hat?

4. Lots of good new music came out the last few weeks including Vampire Weekend and Spoon:

Everybody grab your tightest jeans and let's boogie!

5. We kind of wish we were friends with this guy.

6. On a rare serious note, please give to this website or text "Haiti" to 90999. It will just get added to your phone bill and you can pretend its from over billed text messages from all of your hundreds of friends! Charity + self esteem= priceless.

7. I mean, really Lane Kiffin? REALLY? (NSFW link) We don't think this guy is too happy about Kiffin leaving for USC. We also don't think this guy should be allowed to vote/operate a motor vehicle/obtain a firearm/cross state lines/reproduce/watch Avatar/talk to women.

8. Sorry Drew Kipe, sorry. Those goddamn Purple People Eaters. If anyone hears from him: truestoryblog@gmail.com

True Story

Happy Monday

2009-12-07T11:53:00.002-05:00

(NSFW language)

Mega-NFL post coming soon from Drew Kipe!......Get in that ass.

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2009-11-25T09:56:00.004-05:00

Ok, Ok, its been a while since we've made an update. Shoot us. Feel better now? Good.

We're not sure if any of you have heard about this new movie that came out, but supposedly there's a film about a chick who gets caught in this weird vampire love triangle. While the appeal of this teeny-bopper-Dracula stuff confuses us worse than Calculus, one thing in particular has not gone unnoticed amongst all of this hullabaloo: a kick-ass soundtrack that features a star-studied roster of quality music acts. Here are a few of our favorites:

Why yes, its everybody's favorite Wisconsin winter wood whisperer! Take a listen to this haunting song while you try and get over that awesome alliteration.

The first single from the album, many of you have probably seen/heard this already. Classic over-dramatic/I'm really emo and I love it type Death Cab, but a guilty pleasure nonetheless.

OK Go comes in with a quality song here...for an even better song by them check out their new (and absurd) video for WTF. An amazing video, if you get past the fact that the lead singer ISN'T actually Scarecrow from Batman Begins/Dark Knight.

Ah yes, our favorite of the soundtrack, as well as an awkward closeup of the movie poster. A huge Radiohead bias here, but its our blog, and we can do whatever we want. Good talk, see you out there!

True Story.

Beer and Loathing In Portland

2009-11-15T17:52:00.007-05:00

So it has taken me about a week to dry out from last weekend and be able to file this report. As it was observed on our trip, if you can’t complete a sentence until you start drinking, then you might be an alcoholic.

The weekend of November 6-7 brought four men into the city of Portland, Maine in order to taste the finest that the Pine State has to offer. And the 2009 Maine Brewers Festival not only brought out the finest, but also some of Maine’s dirty little secrets.

On the night before the festival Charlie “Smooth as Sandpaper” Boyle, Ian “Baked in Vermont” Boyle, Brady “Hot Dog Muffin” Hollingsworth and myself arrived in the outer-limits of the city. Fortified by food and drink we called on our trusty steed (Charlie the Cab Driver) to deliver us to one of Portland’s finer drinking establishments. Thanks to the management and lovely bartender at Novare Res, I was able to expose my drinking buddies to a wide spectrum of great beer. The goal of this session was to set their pallets and strengthen their livers for the beer festival that followed. While in the midst of the second round, our good friend and Portland resident Kim “Dark Lord of the Low End” Bird was able to join us. Here is a list (from what I can remember) from that night at the bar:

Monchshof Festbier
Schnieder Aventinus Eisbock
North Coast Old Rasputin
Teras Boulba
Ridgeway Bitter
La Rulles Triple
Ayinger Octoberfest
De Ranke XX Bitter
Schlenkerla Maerzen
Saison Dupont
Unibroue 16
Bluebird Bitter

I think we were able to appreciate a worldwide scope of the brewing arts while at Novare Res. Countries represented included Canada, England, Belgium, Germany and the United States. Styles ranged from maerzens, bocks, stouts, pale ales, saisons, triples, and English bitters. Flavors were from sweet to bitter, malty to smoky, meaty to bready. After such a long period of imbibition, it was time to eat and sleep. Thanks to Kim, it was off to Flatbread Company for pizza and then back to the HoJos…

Not worse for the wear, Saturday morning was time to pile in the carbs and build a nice beer-drinking base. After breakfast, the countdown had begun and the drinking commenced at 1:30pm. There was something oddly satisfying about drinking in a high school gym. Even though advertised as the Portland Expo Center, the Portland High School Basketball banners said otherwise.

The night before, we experienced flavors of the world. Saturday afternoon, it was all Maine and only Maine. The usual suspects were there: Allagash, Shipyard, Sea Dog, Geary’s, and Gritty McDuff’s. But the breweries that called our attention were Bar Harbor, Federal Jack’s/Kennebunkport, Kennebec River, Sebago, and Sheepscot Valley. A great beer (not necessarily a surprise since Kim made me promise to try it) was Sheepscot Valley’s Pemaquid Ale. I would have never guessed that it was a Scottish ale. There was no heavy-handed alcohol taste, much like Geary’s Wee Heavy; instead the Pemaquid Ale had a nutty-taste, more in line with a rich brown ale.

However, a couple of samplings did fall short. One really can’t say that they were surprisingly bad, at a beer festival when deciding whether or not to try a beer you should consider:

1. The name of the beer.
2. The length of the line of people waiting for the beer.

For the first bad beer, we should have considered both criteria. The beer in question was Kennebec River’s Magic Hole IPA. First (cue Europe’s The Final Countdown), magic isn’t always a good thing. Second, there was NO line for this beer! The representatives from Kennebec even seemed to realize the poor quality of their beer, giggling at the joke that they were dispensing. At best, perhaps it was just a keg that had been left out in the sun all summer long. At worst, they actually try to brew a beer that combines a one-two punch of bitter and sour with a hint of skunk.

When in line for the next bad beer, we should have been tipped-off by the name. There must be a lot of masochists in the state of Maine because there was a large line for this beer. But how could something called Taint Town be good? Besides stating the obvious, Taint Town Pale Ale just had a nasty funk. Soon after downing the Taint, Charlie and I needed something strong to wash away the taste. The only thing that we thought could do the job was Shipyard’s XXXX IPA.

India pale ale’s have a reputation of being bitter and palate cleansing. So even if a quadruple X beverage may have the potential of bringing in the pain, hopefully it would wash out the funk.

The XXXX IPA was the answer to our prayers. Strong enough to slap the Taint out of our mouths, there was enough flavor to go for seconds. A knock on a lot of hop monster ales is that the mouth-feel of the beer is reminiscent of syrup. However, the XXXX IPA was a clean and crisp beer with enough bite that would hold up next to some of the hoppiest West Coast IPAs.

But the Best In Show at the 2009 Maine Brewers Festival was Allagash’s Hugh Mallone Ale. A clean, refreshing Belgian IPA that reminds you of how GREAT beer can be. Take your favorite IPA, and combine with the classic Belgian taste found in whites and triples, you would then have Hugh Mallone. We should have guessed from the long line, the Hugh Mallone was certainly the jewel of the Portland High basketball court.

Even though we were done at the festival, our time in Portland did not end. Our pub crawl took us from the Expo Center to Rivalries Sports Bar, Gritty McDuff’s, J’s Oyster, and finally $3 Deweys. Closing out with a combination of Guinness, Pabst Blue Ribbon, J’s Lobster Stew, and Victory Hop Wallop, it was time to call a cab, sip a Heinie and go to sleep.

All in all it was a very successful venture into the northern edge of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. Many thanks to Kim and our cabbies, without them, we probably would still be held in Portland without bail. Lesson’s learned? Well, stay away from magic holes and anything taint.

-Bill

Now watchu know about the banana and mayonnaise?

2009-10-29T21:06:00.005-04:00

Yessuh, Yessuh. ... Goodie Mob is back!!

(Un)necessary Rap is back with a tribute to not just ATL but all Southern Rap

True Story has finally woken up out of the 9-to-5 funk to get you what you need, America.

More Cee-Lo. More Khujo. More T-Mo. More Big Gipp.

More Goodie Mob.

Turns out one of True Story's favorite acts out the Dirty and one of the most influential groups EVER in Southern Hip Hop, (besides, you know, ahem, their close friends and colleagues), who helped pave the way for classic southern artists (and conversely whatever else garbage music that is making money these days) closed the 2009 BET awards down (in their hometown, no doubt) with a throwback '95 Jam and their first classic jam "Cell Therapy"

Enjoy:

The Live Performance (And, uhm, yes. Cee-lo is wearing a jacket made of the "Jelly Shoes" Material....moving on!):

The Classic video:

In other notes, also throwin it down from the 2009 BET Awards was The Cypher, live from Greenpoint in the B-R-O, OK? L-Y-N, Come again?

Starring:

DJ Premier
Nicki Minaj (newest artist to Young Moolah)
Buckshot (of Black Moon fame)
Crown Royal (BET Contest Winner outta Bucktown)
Joe Budden (Still bitter at Jay-z)
Wale (BK chillin today)
Nipsey Hussle (who honestly should just say he's one of the Doggfather's kids)
GSAN (Why no pic? seriously, try to google him...you can't find him either)
KRS-One (more on him in a minute...that Nike part slays us every time)
Mos Def
Black Thought
Eminem

P.S. does anyone else think that KRS-One can't actually speak without freestyling anymore? Like he just speaks in rhymes?

Honestly, We aren't knockin it, on the contrary. However, why do we feel like these conversations happen on a regular basis? :

"Hey it's the Teacher! Where you goin KRS one?"
"KRS-One, gotta go to the Store! Just ran outta Milk gotta get me some More!"
"Oh.....Ok"

Anyways, now we are rambling... Git Up, Git Out and Git Somethin, America.

Enjoy, the weekend... Thank God for Friday's!

True Soul Food.

"Hold up? Born in '88? How old is that?.......Old enough."

2009-10-10T15:25:00.006-04:00

Its been a while since you've received some (Un?)necessary Rap, so here ya go. From earlier this summer, this song by Kid Cudi, Ye, and Common (with help from the immortal Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face') hasn't gotten old whatsoever. Throw in some great split-screen editing and you have a quality video. Also, proof once again that Kanye makes up for his deplorable shenanigans with great music.

Kid Cudi - New Music - More Music Videos

True Story.

MLB 2009 Playoff Predictions

2009-10-07T13:19:00.003-04:00

Last year didn't work out too well, so we're hoping to redeem ourselves:

AL/NLDS

Yankees over Twins in 4

-Awesome win, Minnesota, but lets be serious.

Angels over Red Sox in 5

-4th time's a charm.

Phillies over Rockies in 3

-Lee and Hamels dominate.

Cardinals over Dodgers in 5

-Cardinals just seem better.

ALCS:

Yankees over Angels in 6

-Too much firepower for the halos, as much as this makes us puke.

NLCS:

Phillies over Cardinals in 7

-Classic series goes the distance.

World Series:

Phillies over Yankees in 6

-Easily our two least favorite teams in baseball. Both have incredible lineups, but we don't think the Yanks' rotation will hold up as well as the Phillies'.

True Back-to-Back?

(GO SOX!)

Alternative Awesomeness

2009-10-06T10:01:00.004-04:00

Just released and free to download on their website! For those of you who haven't heard these guys, this is per usual goofiness. We particularly love the percussion/xylophone.

True Story

Just another day in Berkshire County.....

2009-09-25T10:17:00.006-04:00

Reading the Berkshire Eagle (Western Mass' newspaper), you couldn't help but come across the headline titled Officer pulls gun to ward off attacker....what a joke right? You know nothing is going on in a city when the top headline is a police officer taking a gun off his waist. But patience pays off sometimes.....Keep reading, and you are rewarded most graciously. Taken straight from Eagle reporter Conor Berry:

After that, Boody dropped to the ground and started rolling around while Colello called for assistance. More officers arrived to help subdue Boody, who continued to thrash and kick as he was handcuffed.

Boody admitted to snorting a line of cocaine at a local bar prior to his arrest.

At some point during the evening, he said, he came to the aid of an injured deer on Valentine Road. Boody told officers that he "cuddled" the small deer because it was "crying" and claimed he was shot in the head with an arrow.

Police noticed a scratch on the right side of Boody's bald head but apparently never recovered an arrow. However, officers did recover quantities of cocaine in Boody's car and in his clothing, police said.

I mean, this is just bad journalism. If this article had been titled based on the victim's point of view rather than the officer's, this would be a national headline:

"Man high on cocaine attempts to assault officer at porn shop parking lot after alleged roadkill cuddling."

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2009-09-23T21:06:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the long hiatus. More coming soon. In time meantime, this is a real solid song, enjoy!

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2009-09-12T11:04:00.002-04:00

OK, I'm not gonna lie, this is probably my favorite band and its a shameless plug. Don't worry about it. This one is off the new EP (of the same name) that is gaining steam with alt-rock people everywhere. No video for this one, but here is the equally as good live version.

True Story.

Death of Autotune?

2009-09-04T12:54:00.005-04:00

Not yet......not yet.......

You can try as hard as you want, Jay Z, but there is one thing you cannot do. You cannot destroy Tallahassee Pain without a fight.

(Gold star to Lindsay for the link)

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2009-09-02T17:23:00.003-04:00

Next up in our newest segment, Grizzly Bear and their song "Two Weeks", ironically the amount of time it took us to follow up our first entry. There is a music video for this song, but it's kind of creepy and this performance they did last year on Letterman is too good not to post. Like what you hear/see? Veckatimest was released in May 2009 and is probably in our personal top 3 of 2009.

True Story.

Sometimes you just have to take initiative....

2009-09-02T17:13:00.002-04:00

We heard about this on the radio and had to investigate. The internet comes up big once again:

We all know times are tough. That means people all over the country are taking matters into their own.....thighs. Beer is expensive, gym memberships are expensive, sharing is expensive. Oversized house-coats and god-given ability: not expensive. We have to hand it to Lisa for covering all the bases on this play. Not only does she walk off with a rack of brews, she gives her thighs a workout no thigh-master could duplicate. I don't think anyone is going to want to drink any of those beers when she gets home, so the sharing part is taken care of too. She did get caught, but I'm pretty sure you don't need Bill to tell you what's in Lisa's fridge.

True Story.

(Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays

2009-09-02T16:53:00.003-04:00

Introducing, BEP, pre-Fergie. On one level, you can say that Black Eyed Peas have turned into one of the hottest groups of the decade. On the other hand, in our own view, we have seen one of the finest underground hip-hop groups around re-invent themselves, and in the process, completely abandon their musical greatness with this one addition to the group (not to mention making the other members not named Will.I.Am and Fergie relatively insignificant). Behold, an old-school jam and amazing video that not too many know about, circa 1998:

True Story.

What's In the Fridge?

2009-08-18T23:23:00.006-04:00

LAGUNITAS PILS

- All right kiddos, just like pretzels may make you thirsty, heat waves drive me to drink. Something about feeling like your breathing through a wet sock requires liquid nourishment. Yeah, yeah, beer is a diuretic, but when the heat index is driving you nuts, it’s the only way go to. Water ain’t going to cut it.

Lagunitas Pils may provide the best respite to these hot summer nights. Don’t let the light color of this beer fool you, this is not a citrus syrup beer. And there is no need to get fruity with extra vitamin C on the edge of your glass. This Czech style pilsner delivers zest and refreshment merely through a combination of malts and hops.

So now you might be asking why you should be spending more money on a sixer of Lagunitas instead of the typical Kool-Aid beer you and your bros normally drink? Besides having a set of testicles, why do you insist on drinking beer made with fruit? Sure, simple economics tell you that $10 is more money to spend then $5. Well, congratulations, I guess college wasn’t a total waste. But let me ask you this Ben Stein, what good is $5 extra bucks when you can’t even peel your sweaty butt off the couch to even spend it?

Oh, and when you’re winning races in this heat, it’s just time to celebrate with a deliciously made beer. Eat that Dos Equis!!!

True Story.

aaaaaand

2009-08-17T22:58:00.001-04:00

you're welcome.

True...ingenuity?

F the horizon

2009-08-11T20:40:00.004-04:00

We're posting it right now

Cuz we can

and you know you like it America

Behold, The Pharcyde's/Spike Jonze's CLASSIC "Drop",
all while changing the music video game in the process by being filmed backwards

Watch for the Beastie's kids...

Oh, and check out the Stool for some of that Gangsta D*@$
Too Good to be Hat-Tipped

True Story.

Alternative Awesomeness

2009-08-11T20:26:00.006-04:00

So we feel like it may be time for us to share some of our new indie/alternative music favorites in order to ease some readers from certain frustrations of radio play. As a result of this inclination, these will become a recurring theme. Hooray!

The first selection comes from the band Animal Collective who pretty much bitch-slapped every other band with their album Merriweather Post Pavilion earlier this year. In the word's of I-Biz: "Its what the Beach Boys would sound like if they had built upon every musical development of the past 30 years." Touche.

PS. No worries, we hear rumors that (Un?)necessary rap may be also on the horizon.

True Weird Mouths.

Breaking News: Billy Mays was not-so oxy-clean

2009-08-07T17:55:00.003-04:00

(CNN) -- An autopsy report issued Friday by Hillsborough County, Florida, cites cocaine as a contributing factor in the death of TV pitchman Billy Mays, who died in June at age 50.

"Mays died from a lethal arrhythmia of the heart caused by hypertensive and arteriosclerotic heart disease," the county said in a statement attributed to Dr. Leszek Chrostowski, the associate medical examiner who conducted the autopsy.

"He further concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and therefore contributed to his death," it added.

This is about as suprising as a plot twist in a Jerry Bruckheimer movie.

True Story.

LeMarcBre

2009-08-03T20:57:00.005-04:00

We usually aren't for shameless promotions of anything but ourselves, but check out some material from constant True Story contributor LeMarcBre. His website can be accessed here and there are some videos below: The first one is his track "The Wheel" that employs the famous True Story style of randomly linking redundantly unnecessary and amusing pictures to what is said. Don't worry, we'll hit him up on the royalties. Besides that, we particularly enjoy the sample from a movie you might have seen (NSFW language):

The other track is "Let It Be", a song that received a favorable reception at "The Pub" in Amherst, MA. Video was not shot sober at the previously mentioned location:

True Story.

Special Infomercial Megapost

2009-07-30T17:33:00.006-04:00

As you all know, there have been a lot of ridiculous infomercials to grace the television recently. Along with that, we felt it appropriate to honor True Story favorite, the immortal, Billy Mays. Therefore, we are taking this as an excuse to return to our regular posting schedule with an infomercial megapost!

This is really shameless, and its kind of sad that Clubber Lang was in need of money so badly.

For those of you who can't believe that this golden grizzly gets to 2nd base all over the country, we are pretty sure this is a real product. Unbelievable. But wait, it gets even better:

I know, many of you have probably seen this already....we are sure it will be all over the news within the next week. Nonetheless, True Story commends shameless HJ aerobics with our full seal of approval.

Just in case any True Readers need some help with their fruity watermelon baskets. We think that "about to go on a roller coaster ride to planet fun" would be the best description ever for an eHarmony profile. Complete with the hand motion of course. Moving on....

(NSFW!!)This isn't even an infomercial, but it is an advertisement, and a fine one at that. And finally:

We don't even know what to say to this. Like a Picasso painting or a novel by Oscar Wilde, this needs to be interpreted individually. Bonus video:

The Pitchman himself orders food from MacDo's the only way he knows how.

True Story.

What The...

2009-07-23T15:27:00.001-04:00

#7 Dance song on iTunes.

Bat$#!t.

True Content Coming Soon

If only Billy Mays were alive to advertise this...

2009-07-08T18:44:00.003-04:00

From Drew Kiper Jr:

Sorry for the lack of posts. We don't even have the economy to blame. We love you.

True Recession.

More Hurricane Chris

2009-06-26T12:12:00.004-04:00

Oh my dear god. Did this actually happen? We ripped this off of barstoolsports.com, but it was just too damn appropriate with last week's post. From the Louisiana House Chamber, please skip to the 4:10 mark in the video.

(Isn't it in bad taste for someone from Shreveport, LA to take on a rap name which involves a natural disaster that has decimated the state countless times? Anyone? Anyone?)

God. Bless. America.

True Story.

Vacation

2009-06-19T01:18:00.004-04:00

This is why True Story shouldn't be allowed to go on an extended vacation
(NSFW...effing puppets.)

I mean seriously, Iran goes batshit, North Korea threatens nuclear war with...everybody(??), Colbert goes bald (for a great cause)...and even Long Island tries to become the 51st state.

But none of this....NONE of this compares to the kind of (Un?)necessary Rap that we have kept from you during this slacking, America.

We know, we know
Unacceptable.

Fear not, Louisiana lends us a hand with bringing this blog back to "WTF Was Just Said In That Rap Song" prominence.

We give you....Halle Berry (She's Fine)

Now....clearly Halle Berry has heard of this, and there is word of prompt litigation of Hurricane Chris (or is that Rajon Rondo?); information further backed by the creation of a new version "She's Fine".

That'll happen. Unfortunately, that still isn't the whackest thing she's done in the past.

(Pssh, we know what you're thinking, you thought the link was something else. Whatever. We liked it. Wanna fight about it?)

So pump that jam and make sure you pay attention at 2:26

I'm finna flip her through traffic
With tha top back of tha donk
Girl I guarantee I can make you go num-num-num num-num

Uh....right?

But anyways, no worries about the lawsuit Ms. Berry...we still like.

And don't you worry America, more to come soon!

True Ellen.

It Just Got a Little Dusty In Here......

2009-06-11T18:55:00.004-04:00

Just found out about this ESPN "30 for 30" project in which filmmakers all over the world will contribute. Taking from The Futon Critic.com:

"Debuting in October 2009, "30 for 30" will gather 30 filmmakers to each create one-hour films on topics from 1979 to 2009, ESPN's first 30 years."

Wow, what a great idea. here's the whole link. Barry Levinson, Peter Berg(Friday Night Lights TV Show), Spike Lee, and Steve Nash!

Speaking of Nash's project, this brings us back to a story we heard from NYC resident I-Biz. Apparently he saw the 2-Time MVP on the subway on the way to work reading My First Movie. It all makes sense now, as he was probably prepping himself up for what will turn out to be, in reality, his first movie. His subject? Fellow Canuck Terry Fox. To say this is inspirational would be an understatement. Thankfully, ESPN (we read about this on Bill Simmons' Twitter account) already did a piece on him to give us a little preview as to what we can expect:

Wow, it just got a little dusty in here. We swear it must be allergies.

True Story.

Incredible

2009-06-09T14:30:00.001-04:00

No words.

True Story.

True Vacation

2009-06-02T20:03:00.003-04:00

Hey everybody,

Due to our coincidental graduation from higher educational institutions, we have been missing in action for a while. There is a lot to catch up on, as always. So you know what this means: lots of random videos!

First check out this video of former Sox GM Dan Duquette. Lou Merloni, former Boston player and current Boston radio personality, blew the PED talks wide open with this interesting accusation. Watch the interview, as The Duke provides his insight and unintentional comedy that is off the charts (especially given his hatred of Roger Clemens). Throw in the fact that one of us worked at his Hinsdale, MA camp he is shamelessly promoting at the end, and you have one fine video clip.

For those of you who like(d) Conan O'Brien, here is one of our favorite segments from his old show in conjunction with his debut this week on the Tonight Show. Want more? Here is a great compilation of his "best of".

In other news, True Story favorite (and icon poster child) Chris Bosh, aka CB4, just got inked with Time Warner for a CD/DVD release due this fall. Link that with him becoming the first athlete in the world to have his own iPhone App and you can say that he is making us very proud. Please watch as he does Toronto's weather better than anyone we have seen in recent memory:

Finally, some (Un?)necessary rap. Fabolous is back on the scene with "Throw It In the Bag" and the absurdity below. We don't even need to explain, you get the point by now.

True Story.

What a Business School Graduate Thinks His First Day of Work Will Be Like

2009-05-18T22:51:00.005-04:00

(Thanks to Drew Kipe for taking some time away from the 2010 NFL Draft research to find us this great College Humor post that is fitting for this month. Congratulations Class of 2009)

What a Business School Graduate Thinks His First Day of Work Will Be Like

by Nick Griffith on 6 days ago

CEO: Good morning everybody, let's get started. On to the only and most important order of business, introducing our new employee, James.

Everyone in the boardroom starts applauding.

CEO: James graduated from State University where he had a 2.45 GPA.

Oohs and Ahhs fill the boardroom along with whispers.

CEO: We'll be getting him started immediately on our most important and vital projects.

More applause.

Veronica: Hello James, I'm your personal secretary. If you need anything, and I mean anything, don't be shy. Did I mention how cute I think you are?

CEO: That reminds me, here is your company credit card to use for lunches, dinners, and entertaining clients and/or Veronica at the bars.

Veronica: Ooh that sounds fun! Whoops, I dropped my pen, let me bend down to grab it.

CEO: Now James, I want you to know that my door is always open and I would love to discuss any ideas that you have at any time. Do not feel obligated to discuss anything with your direct supervisor as I know you are just as qualified as he is even though you just started and he has worked here for 12 years.

Veronica: Wow that took me a long time to pick up that pen, I hope my skirt didn't ride up too high while I was bending over. Would you like me to show you to your private office now? It should be ready, I think they just finished installing the flat screen TV.

CEO: In a minute Veronica, first I want to see if anybody has any questions for James before we get him started.

Johnson: Yeah I got a question for the hot shot. How would you improve profitability for the third quarter in our foreign markets?

James: Um... I suppose the best way would be to increase sales and decrease expenses.

Smith: Brilliant! Why didn't we think of that?

Brown: A true visionary!

Veronica: Ooh handsome and a genius.

CEO: I knew I made the right decision by hiring you and paying you twice what you were asking.

Smith: Looks like someone's gunning for your job, Johnson.

Johnson: But I'm the Vice President of International Marketing. I've worked here for 32 years. You can't tell me that this young punk thinks he's going to have my job.

CEO: Actually now that I think of it, that's what we're going to do. James is promoted to VP of International Marketing. Johnson, you're fired. Clear out your desk.

Everyone applauds. Veronica takes off her blouse.

Johnson: You can't be serious!

CEO: On second thought, don't clear out your desk. We'll just give all that stuff to James, including your personal items.

Johnson: But I'm getting ready to leave for the Conference in Paris. I've already got plane tickets.

CEO: Well now you're not. James, you will be going. We'll buy you tickets immediately. On second thought, why don't you just take the corporate jet? And take Veronica with you. You might get lonely as the Conference is two weeks long.

Veronica: Ooh fun! Whoops I dropped my pen again.

(Probably not a True Story.)

What's In the Fridge?

2009-05-18T22:35:00.004-04:00

(Editor's Note: Whatever is in that fridge, it must be skunked. Damn it has been a while.)

-Yeah, so what? I’ve been busy…drinkin’ had to take a backseat while I was working on another “bad habit” of mine. But don’t call it a comeback, both Narragansett and I have been here for years.

What more can be said about a beer that comes at you in a 16oz can? When most beers CHOOSE to be served via aluminum, they go beyond the 12oz mark of mediocrity and enter a realm of greatness. But what else makes Narragansett great? Is it that it comes from a Rhode that is not a road, nor an island? (It’s not even brewed in Rhode Island!) Is it the fact that even the biggest beer snobs will acknowledge its place in the pantheon of beer? Or is it the seven bucks for a sixer?

None of the above ladies and gentlemen. Quite simply, it’s just a beer. It’s a beer that tastes like a freakin’ beer. Do you remember when you were a kid and your role at a family party was to serve as a beer wench? Do you remember what you did with the empties? Yeah you do…you turned into a wet/dry vac and tried to suck back whatever alcoholic residue you could (what’s that thing on Uncle Barney’s lip?). Now, remember what that beer tasted like? Like warm piss. You SWORE you’d never drink beer because of the “taste”.

So, when you finally got to high school, and all you could find were your Dad’s three warm cans of Miller Lite, you did what every other red-blooded dopey teenager would do…you chugged. After the first, you thought you would heave because of the memory of Uncle Barney’s warm beer (not to mention that thing on his lip). But you wanted to get “messed-up”, so down went beer number 2…not so bad…and the third beer you actually liked.

You liked it, BECAUSE IT WAS BEER!!! As with any new food, we all need time to adjust. As a father, I can tell you that even doctors say to feed your kids new food over and over again, even if they don’t like it at first. But after time, the palate adjusts.

Narragansett is a beer that tastes like beer. Not a hoppy beer, not a strong beer, not a fruity beer. It’s a beer that reminds you of times when your biggest concern was whether or not you were going to see boob.

So to all of you, entering this brave new world of ours fresh out of college, enjoy the last few moments of irresponsibility. Enjoy a Narragansett! Enjoy the boobs! (Just watch out for where Uncle Barney has been…)

True Story

Wow, where did we go?

2009-05-09T19:04:00.008-04:00

Sorry to everyone who has been arriving at our site and has seen April at the top of the page for the last week and a half. Jesus, we need to step up our game here. To those of you loyal readers, we're sure you know almost every word to that new Red and Meth joint. A few things to catch up on now that we have a pulse again:

-What Manny? Enough has been said already, as blogs and television have given us every possible perspective. We are not going to give you another weird blog opinion on this, other than, J Bay Bay!

-I-Biz has been up to no good as well, sending us this gem for all of you to enjoy:

A good precursor to this. Where's Uncle Phil when you need him?

-College Humor has been busy while we were gone too. This is UNbelievable, as the 25 things had been making us uncomfortable for a while now. Don't get us wrong, however, we are addicted to that goddamn website as well. Adding to the greatness of this video, its about time we saw a good parody song of Radiohead fan Miley Cyrus:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

-Want some (Un?)necessary rap that you missed this past Wednesday? We got some for you, NBA Playoffs edition. People realize Ron Artest is a) out of his mind and b) a great basketball player. So, while him and Kobe battle on the court throughout the Lakers-Rockets series, do you realize this is also a battle between two great rap stars?

Take it all in. Please.

-Finally, things are as crazy as ever in the real world. We feel like this is an accurate summary of the current influenza outbreak that is scaring the hell out of everyone. Not suitable for work/minors/lack of humor/lack of Winnie the Pooh knowledge:

Don't call it a comeback, we've been here for months.

True Story.

(Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays

2009-04-29T01:01:00.004-04:00

Sorry America, this post is 2 weeks coming....that'll happen when you turn on your computer-type devices, access the Internet machine and stream a song with the lyrics:

"Got Weed?"
"I got blunt?"
"My Name Jamal!"

Proceed to immediately Blackout.

Yeap, you're goddamn skippy.....Funk DoctaSpot and Johnny Blaze are back, set to drop a sequel to their 1999 Platinum jumpoff "Blackout" (and supposedly a How High 2...stay tuned.)

So what have they been up to? A few albums, a few shows...and this just in....hip hop does not pay the bills (contrary to popular belief),
but they still like weed.

Fin.

Enjoy: "Ayo" ft Suakrates (no, really, that's his name...
...Of course it is.)

True Red & Mef
(circa 95)

Drew Kiper Jr. Index (Holiday Edition)

2009-04-25T00:18:00.003-04:00

Christmas is almost here. By the time this is posted, my favorite time of the year will be here. This year’s draft we’re starting to see a switch in draft stock based on position (something I noted in last year’s draft). That is, the top teams are not in need of position players anymore. Quarterbacks have typically gone very high in the draft, for good reason. However, even though there are 2 high quality signal callers this year, it is a stretch to put both in the top 5. St Louis, KC, Cleveland, Cincy, Oakland, and Green Bay all have quarterbacks that they are confident can play the position at a high quality level for another 3+ years. Even Seattle and Jacksonville have potential Pro Bowl quarterbacks. An even better argument can be made for running backs. Only Cleveland really needs a lead back to carry the full role. Teams like New Orleans, Houston, Jets, Philly, Indy, and Arizona would like another back to pair with the lead runners, but most of them have much more pressing needs on defense.

In essence the draft is becoming a system of have and have-nots. However, I’m not talking about the players, I’m talking about upper management. Teams that have people that know how to coach players and build a team (New England, Indy, Tenn, Pitt, Giants, Minn, Philly) are constantly picking at the bottom of the draft. As those teams lose position players via free agency, trades, or old age; they still have a pretty good selection of them at the bottom of the draft. It’ll be interesting to see next year how many teams don’t need a quarterback, running back, left tackle, or wide out.

Anyways, without further adieu, Drew Kiper Jr’s 2009 NFL Mock:

Detroit – Matt Stafford

St Louis – Eugene Monroe

KC – Aaron Curry

Seattle –Mark Sanchez

Cleveland – Michael Crabtree

Cincy – Brian Orkapo

Oakland – Jeremy Maclin

Jacksonville – Jason Smith

Green Bay – Aaron Maybin

SF – Andre Smith

Buffalo – Michael Oher

Denver – BJ Raji

Washington – Robert Ayers

New Orleans – Malcolm Jenkins

Houston – Clay Matthews

San Diego – Tyson Jackson

NYJ – Brandon Pettigrew

Denver – Rey Maualaga

Tampa – Josh Freeman

Detroit – Everette Brown

Philly – Beanie Wells

Minnesota – Perria Jerry

New England – Larry English

Atlanta – Alphonso Smith

Miami – Brian Cushing

Baltimore – Darius Heyward-Bey

Indy – Darius Butler

Buffalo – Jarron Gilbert

NYG – Hakeem Nicks

Tennessee – Percy Harvin

Arizona – Knowshon Moreno

Pittsburgh - Eben Britton

*Feel free to criticize on Sunday if I suck and listen to the gloating if I’m right

Wild Card Players

o Beanie Wells
o Mark Sanchez
o Brian Orkapo
o BJ Raji
o Percy Harvin

Wild Card Teams

o Jacksonville
o Green Bay
o Cleveland

(True Story?)

Oh Internet, you Saucy Minx

2009-04-17T09:11:00.003-04:00

"We Didn't Start the Flame War" from College Humor

(NSFW)

True Story.

.....say whatnow?

2009-04-16T20:01:00.003-04:00

Naw, you're right Anderson. No one caught that...

Abuuuuuh?

Casino Street

2009-04-16T01:50:00.003-04:00

Ernie's Frustration with Bert finally boils over and goes Batsh*&, promptly giving him the business

NSFW for the language, kiddos

True Story.

Don't Say Flavors, Just Say Colors

2009-04-15T21:31:00.005-04:00

That's right, another (albeit late) edition of (Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays!

And with the weather starting to warm up (unlike the Sox's "stable" of pitching), we all will look for a tasty beverage to kick back and relax with these upcoming months

No no, no brewhaha, but some of that Oh Yeah

F the Economy. Kool-Aid is recession proof...
PAY UP

Now we know, everybody's got their own drinks to handle the biz in the Spring and Summer....
but listen America, all that really needs to be said is just add

Truer Words have never been spoken.

Teabagging Party

2009-04-14T00:06:00.005-04:00

We are not trying to be biased. We really don't even enjoy taxes as much as any other person. However, this is absolutely, ri-goddamn-diculous.

Is there not one Fox News intern born after 1985 that could have told all of these guys about Urban Dictionary?!?! Nobody? Bueller?..... Bueller?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Ladies and gentlemen, the Republican Party in its last days.

True Story.

Drew Kiper Jr. Index

2009-04-13T23:52:00.002-04:00

As we get ready for annual NFL Christmas (April 25-26), it’s time to review NFL Halloween season (Free agency). Many NFL teams are going to find their pillow cases full of King Size Snicker Bars; however, some are also gonna wake up and find their house egged, a flaming bag of poop, and their lawn covered in toilet paper (I’m talking to you Cleveland). Let’s take a look at some of the most notable transactions this offseason:

T.O. signed by Buffalo – T.O. absolutely destroyed the Philadelphia locker room. However, he wasn’t to fault in Dallas. In the end Jerry Jones gave in to peer pressure and had to release him. T.O. will be on his best behavior this year in Buffalo and will give the entire AFC East a headache every time they face him. Suddenly, Buffalo’s offense looks very explosive with Lee Evans, Mershawn Lynch, T.O. and 3rd yr QB Trent Edwards. Add in the fact they have a solid O-line, the many explosive TEs in this year’s draft, and Dick Jauron having the hottest seat of any coach in the league, and Buffalo could become very formidable.

Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel traded to KC for a 2nd Rd pick – Bonny and Clyde, Gary Payton, Ali Baba, Scott Pioli. What do these people all have in common? Apparently, they’re the best thieves of all time as Pioli absolutely stole 2 potential pro bowlers from his former team. Yeah, there have been a lot of rationalizations (the Pats turned a 7th rd pick into a 2nd or the pats didn’t want to pay the money to a first rd pick) but I don’t believe either of those. The Pats added an extra first round pick last year and were willing to pay Shawn Springs nearly $6.5 mil this year (Last year’s 3rd overall pick Matt Ryan only made $3.5 mil last yr in base salary and roster bonus). The Chefs get a franchise quarterback to build around and a veteran pro bowler that will big leadership AND production. Icing on the cake for Pioli joining that thieves list: Both play arguably the most important position on their side of the ball. How many teams constantly look for either a quarterback and/or a pass rusher??

Patriots attempt to get ‘younger’ by adding everybody over 30 that got cut from other teams (Springs, Taylor, Galloway, Lewis, Baker) – Speaking of the Pats, they made a huge attempt to drink from the fountain of youth, or at least that’s what they said when they got rid of Vrabel, Jabar Gaffney, LaMont Jordan, Rosevelt Colvin, Rodney Harrison, Deltha O’Neal, and Junior Seau. In reality, they replaced most of those players with other old players. Granted, don’t get me wrong, they are a better team. Springs and Galloway still have a lot of ball left in them and Lewis and Baker will fit right into Belichek’s system, but don’t blatantly lie to our faces. Btw, Billy B, if you’re reading, I think you should know this is not what Ponce de Leon was talking about.

Bears trade two 1st Rd picks, a 3rd Rd pick, and Kyle Orton for Jay Cutler and a 5th Rd pick – I’m going to be in the minority here and call this a great deal for Denver. Denver was in need of a major roster overhaul. Yeah, they came close to going to the playoffs last year, but their defense is atrocious save for a few select players. Four first rounders in the next two years allow them to build that defense to an elite level, while still addressing needs on the offensive side of the ball. Furthermore, they got Kyle Orton who Josh McDaniel is apparently smitten with (I’ve also always been a big fan of Chris Simms and believe he could become a franchise quarterback if given the chance. As soon as he got it going in Tampa, he got hurt and then benched). And if McDaniel, the mastermind behind Tom Brady and Matt Cassel, likes what he saw on film of Orton, then that’s good enough for me. Meanwhile, the Bears are in a win-now mode. Unfortunately, they’re like Aquaman of the Justice League. Devin Hester is still learning how to become a receiver. Greg Olson doesn’t exactly cause matchup problems. And who on earth is starting at the other receiver?? Earl Bennett?? Finally, that defense is aging and just isn’t the force it use to be. It wouldn’t a problem, except now Chicago has no way to restock itself. They haven’t had a good quality top to bottom draft since 2004 (they’re last late round gem: Roosevelt Colvin, 4th Rd, 1999). Unless they pull out a Super Bowl this year, this trade will set them back a good couple of years.

Detroit sucks again (Trading away Cory Redding and Jon Kitna, Signing Grady Jackson, Phillip Buchanon, Bryant Johnson, Maurice Morris, and other people that suck) – Last year one analyst said that there was only 1 player on the Lions that would start for any other team (Ernie Sims) and only 2 or 3 that would be on any other team (Leigh Bodden, Cory Redding, and possibly Jeff Backus). I’ll add that Kitna would make a great backup QB somewhere. Bodden, Redding, and Kitna are now gone. In return, they got Anthony Henry (Dallas didn’t even want him in their secondary) and Julius Peterson (Hurray??). The people they got to replace those three that left: Phillip Buchanon, Grady Jackson, and resigning Daunte Culpepper. Big name acquisition to supplement those three: Bryant Johnson. Who needs a bail-out more: Ford Motor Company or the Detroit Lions?

Minnesota trades for Sage Rosenfels – Matt Cassel, Jay Cutler, Sage Rosenfels. One of these things are not like the other. (I’ll give you a hint: the first two that got traded are legit). Minnesota has a team ready to make a Super Bowl run except for their quarterback. To rectify the problem, they trade for Sage Rosenfels?? Can I remind that Sage Rosenfels hasn’t been able to beat out Jay Fielder, Brian Griese, Tony Banks, Jeff George, Kent Graham, Kevin Lockett, AJ Feely, and Gus Frerotte in the past.

*Side note: Can this position battle be decided by their names instead of actual talent? Tarvaris vs. Sage. What would be better than this? Our friend L-Griff weighs in on the name battle with this quote (keep in mind that T-Jax did look a little winded during that playoff loss to Philly): “I’d rather have a cool name than asthma”. Enough Said.

Kellen Winslow gets traded to Tampa – The soulja get out of the seventh layer of Dante’s Inferno and got his wish of a big day. Besides leaving Braylon Edwards alone on the battlefield, this move gives Tampa Bay a legit weapon to pair with the resurgent Antonio Bryant. Tampa’s QB (btw, is that really Luke McCown, there is no other better option? Rodney Peete really refuses to come back? I hear Vinny is still around if nothing else) will finally have a legit red zone option and someone that can cause matchup problems at all levels. If the Ward/Graham running back combo works, the Michael Clayton/Maurice Stovall combo works, and McCown transforms into Sage Rosenfels, then this offense will be able to put up points.

Albert Haynesworth signs with the Redskins – Besides the accusations of tampering, this signing was the best thing the Redskins could have done in free agency. Ever since he got suspended for stomping on Andre Gurode’s face, Haynesworth has been an absolute unstoppable force in the league. In two years since then, he has 14.5 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, and 91 tackles in 27 games. Note: this has all been done facing double teams. The addition of Haynesworth automatically makes the Redskins in the mix and could give them the best defense in the NFC. Other the hand, Tennessee has to hope some of its rotational players step up and that their linebackers can play without the massive beast in the middle.

Most Underrated Acquisitions:

o Sean Jones (FS) signing with Philadelphia

This guy is a pure beast

o Jason Brown (C) signing with St Louis

They desperately needed O-line help

o Igor Olshansky (DE) signing with Dallas

Came cheaper than resigning Chris Canty and will be better

o Leigh Bodden (CB) signing with New England

Cheap one year deal for the most talented corner in free agency

What the Hell Were They Thinking Acquisitions (Not Including those mentioned above):

o Denver signing J.J. Arrington, Lamont Jordan, and Correll Buckhalter

Josh McDaniels does realize they all play the same position right?

o Anything Cleveland did

The biggest name out of 10 free agents they brought in: David Patten

o Bears signing Kevin Shaffer and Orlando Pace

Really? Orlando Pace and last year’s first round pick Chris Williams will start at tackle, making Kevin Shaffer an $8 million backup. For a tackle, Really?

(Editor's Note: True Story.)

(Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays

2009-04-08T19:41:00.003-04:00

Slim Shady has returned...

"We Made You"

Featuring:

Eminem
Eminem as Bret Michaels
Jessica Simpson
Eminem as Tony Romo
Guitar Hero
Amy Winehouse
Burger King
Sarah Palin
Britney Spears
Kevin Federline
Kim Kardashian
Lindsay Lohan (& Lover)
Spock
Optimus Prime
Bobby Lee
Ellen DeGeneres
John Mayer
Dr. Dre
Eminem as Dustin Hoffman
Curtis Jackson
Jessica Alba
Eminem as Evis

Fantastic.

True Story.

Mountain Dew

2009-04-07T19:37:00.001-04:00

...It's a good thing in doses, kiddos.

True Moderation.

Hometown pride

2009-04-02T17:38:00.006-04:00

For those of you who don't know, True Story is from a small city in western Massachusetts called Pittsfield. Well we felt it to be our duty to reflect on some of the antics we've been reading about in some media outlets. Needless to say, we are not too happy with what's out there. For example, this article caught us a little off-guard. From one of the all-time great blogs in history, www.Barstoolsports.com, it identifies Pittsfield with an assault caused by impromptu flatulence. Oh well, we can live with that. But please pitty us here a little bit when we see something like this:

What the f!$%k, Pittsfield?!?! Totally unacceptable. We know it is April Fools Day, but why are clowns protesting at the Park Square rotary? This might even be the most messed up YouTube link we have put up so far, besides this, of course. I mean, THIS is what we're used to in Pittsfield:

Good old fashioned crime, courtesy of A-Biz. But protesting mimes and clowns? Unacceptable. If you are ever in Pittsfield, go watch a baseball game or go get hammered and listen to classical music or something, we swear we don't have many clowns.

True Wahconah Park.

Driving?......No.....I'm Walken.

2009-04-01T21:54:00.004-04:00

New video from SNL features one of our all-time favorites, the King of New York himself, Christopher Walken.

Outstanding right? Craving more are we? Watch quite possibly the best monologue of all-time from the 1994 movie Pulp Fiction.

True Monologue.

(Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays

2009-04-01T02:29:00.002-04:00

Back again, this week's abomination of the thing we all used to call "Hip-Hop"

No video, just a link

You can catch the full lyrics here

True Story.

Twitt...tweet...tawhatnow?

2009-03-28T02:00:00.000-04:00

We'll let the video speak for itself:

True Twitterati