Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.

Ok, so we thought we would start a new week off with this tasty little clip many of you may not have seen:



Moral of the story: some people should just not have kids. The jury is still out on whether or not this is old footage of the woman below.




True Story.

"A-MA-ZING"

Big up to finder and contributor PMS

And Oh no, no, NO...Thank YOU CBosh/DHoward.


Yet another masterpiece from the personal collection of one
Chris Bosh:

(Full Transcript of Viral Video Excellence Below. God Bless the Internet.)


CBOSH: "There we go...We just got done doing the OPRAH show.
OH.MY.GOD. It was CRAZY. Nah man, you've got the people behind us 'n everything. Ya know we had the whole Olympic Special, I'm just happy to be a part of it.

Later, I'm bout to go out on the Chi-Town man.

Thank you Oprah. Please bring me back."

DHoward: "Man LOOK, Oprah is the BEST. KnowatImSayin? We went to the Oprah Show...it was AMAZING. A-MA-ZING. Me & C-Bosh, doin' it big with Oprah.

She took a picture with me,
AND she rubbed my face.
Iloveyoubaby, goodbye."


TR-UE STORY.

"Take, Take Me Home....

...Cuz I don't Remember"


Actually yes. Yes we do remember, Phil.

I mean, It's (Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays!

How could True Story forget you and Bone Thugs-N-Harmony on a collaboration for the ages??



I mean, nothing says Phil Collin's hard side like:
"Please Mr. Postman, quit bringin' these bills to my house
Quit bringin' this stress to my spouse
'cause I'm ready for the kill on look out, look out"

Well, at least he used to, right?
Yikes.

$47 Milli Phil?
Hot Damn. That'll be a lot of extra cheese on her Whoppers.

Look at the brightside Phil! I mean, yes True Story was compelled to buy that single to see what the hell that mess was all about:



But with this street cred and recent fallout, you're now you're the frontrunner for a posthumous remix!

Plus, at least you have this working for you, which is nice:
Gophilla Collins


True Story.

Drew Kiper Jr. Index

(Note:True Story would like to introduce our periodic NFL analysis. Drew is our NFL/NFL Draft expert from the Midwest who will be contributing his knowledge and absurdity to our site from time to time. If he offends anyone, blame Middle America.)



As you all know by now, the Golden Boy Brady injured his knee within the first couple of plays of the Patriots-Chiefs game in Week 1. With the reality of him being out for the season, this gives me the perfect opportunity to analyze the new Patriots starting quarterback, Matt Cassel. The first thing about Cassel, he is probably the best backup QB of all time. Ever since joining the league, he has backed up Tom Brady (see the 3 Super Bowl rings). During college, he backed up Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart (see the 2 Heismans). And while this cannot be confirmed, I’m pretty sure he backed up Terry Bradshaw in high school.

In all seriousness, Cassel has solid footwork. He’s never going to be a mobile quarterback, but his pocket presence will be enough for him to get rid of the ball and into the hands of his receivers. He can make nearly every throw, but that doesn’t mean that he always does. He has pretty good arm strength and decent accuracy. However, with all of the weapons around him, it’ll be hard for him not to succeed. Two top quality receivers, very solid line, and a quality tight end. Pretty much it means we could be seeing more of this:



Finally, I know everyone has been thinking this. With Brady out and the only other backup on the roster being Kevin O’Connell, you have to be wondering if the Pats will explore other free agents. Personally, I’m hoping for Daunte Culpepper to go on to post-graduation school and reunite with Randy Moss.

Quick Hits

*After finding out that he had been replaced by Rudi Johnson, Tatum Bell decided to steal some of Rudi’s personal possessions. Included in the robbery: Credit cards, money, socks, and underwear. I know if True Story ever fires me, their jock is going to be the first thing I go after.

*Pacman found out he was reinstated to the NFL while eating at Hooters. I’m pretty sure that he meant for it happen that way. Even if he had to stay at that Hooters for the next two weeks, it meant he was going to be there.

True Story.

Why we love YouTube

Thanks to I-Biz, a constant contributor to True Story, we might have a new favorite YouTube clip.



We love our 80's movies and The Neverending Story and The Last Starfighter rank as two of the best. YEAAAAH!

True (or neverending?) Story.

Weekend Shenanigans

Yikes.

What a weekend.

True Story got together for a shindig up in the Empire State, taking in some of that Division 1A (FBS Still sounds stupid) College Football you know we like.


No. Really. Stop Laughing...ok ok ONE DI team was present there,
but We digress...

This Football weekend lived up to the hype:

USC is USC.

the Ohio State University, is, well, the Ohio State University

And finally, Rutgers is back to being Rutgers.
(Big up to Wiz of Odds)

That said, we all know the biggest game of this week wasn't tOSU-USC
(Hey did you know that those two played this weekend? Wait, Beanie Wells was out? Really? I had NO idea. Hopefully they dedicate a week of SportsCenter to that. Just Sayin.)

No sir, that game would have been Pats-Jets.

EVERYONE had the Pats losing;
Vegas, the Press, Randy Moss...everyone.

(Nah just playin...we think...ok I'm sure he got a hint of that bored feeling again but still a dub is a dub.)

And the game was legit, until Adalius Thomas had something to say about that 1 -point spread the Jets were given:



And just like that, Jet Favre and the Bretts were reminded that the Pats still own the AFC East.

Boo-Ya.

Turns out, we here at True Story were going so completely nuts over that hit that we completely forgot that we had some hidden-camera tape of what Adalius ManBeast was like during his college days.

Uh, Right? Ok then Adalius!
True Story.

What's In the Fridge?

Doc Bird’s Heffe

So for this week I went outside of the readily available beer cases and reviewed something only a SELECT few may have…this is my review of Doc Bird’s Heffe. This is my good friend’s father’s home-brewed hefeweizen. So thanks to Kim and her dad, Dr. Bird.

Hefeweizens are a wheat style of beer that are often cloudy (unfiltered) and have a distinctive banana/clove bouquet as well as taste. Overall refreshing, are a candy-shop of aromas and tastes that you too can find at your local packie. While a predominantly German style of beer (although recently Long Trail and Magic Hat have given it a try), Belgian white/wheat ales are also wheat beers that have more of a citrus flavor (think Allagash White or Blanche de Bruxulles). Often both styles of beer are served with a citrus slice caddy on the glass, BUT BEWARE! Don’t treat your beer like a piece of fish! Discard the fruit, suck on it if you must (those coming down with a cold or scurvy will be excused); just keep it away from the beer!

The classic German hefeweizen breweries include Ayinger, Schneider, and Erdinger. Doc Bird’s Heffe, home-brewed in the Berkshires, is most reminiscent of Ayinger’s Brau Weisse, a lovely golden amber color with a classic banana aroma. Doc Bird’s rendition then has a subtle clove taste at first, but as you venture further, a light ginger ale flavor. The carbonation is slight, as not to a create ping-pong match on your tongue, but enough so that the head is retained until the last sip.

If the hefeweizen style of beer seems to be something you’d like to try, I think I’ve done enough brewery name-dropping to give you some places to start. But if you were looking for the closest approximation to Doc Bird’s Heffe, then I would go for the Ayinger Brau Weisse. Not enough suggestive suggestions for you? My favorite heffe? Schneider Edel-Weisse, it’s light, full of clove, and it’s certified organic…so it’s like you’re saving the world one beer at a time!

As always, have a cold one,
Bill