Whattayou.....whattayou gas em up with?.....

For those of you who missed this on Letterman last night, enjoy. We are about 80% sure this is a joke, but we hope more than anything that the other 20% points towards Joaquin Phoenix going absolutely bonkers, growing a long beard, quitting acting, and pursuing his hip hop career. Wow.

In other news, once a 90's legend on the baseball diamond, Roberto Alomar has been accused of having full-blown AIDS.....and like any "logical" person would, proceeded to have unprotected sex with his current ex-girlfriend for three years. Here's the link.

It doesn't get any more up our ally than that one-two punch of absurdity.

Finally, February 6th (Truck Day) came and went. You know what that means, America:



Time for some Red So.....we mean, uh, baseball.

True Story

Believe Us, America...

...when T-Pain says, he F#$^$#%d a Mermaid on SNL



After all, it IS (Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays!


So grab yo Flippy Floppys people,



Hop on that porpoise, do "flips & sh#%"



Straight climb ya buoys



and Do Work.

After all, lyrics like this aren't a mistake:

"Like Kevin Garnett,
Anything is Possi-BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"


True Hype Right Now

Uh...What?

CNN news headline online yesterday.

"Surgeons remove healthy kidney through donor's vagina"

Uh...What?

Url is HERE

Um...what?

"Removing the kidney through a natural opening should hasten the patient's recovery and provide a better cosmetic result," Montgomery said."

Huh?

" The three-hour procedure typically allows the donor to return home within 24 hours.

The more traditional surgery requires a 5- to 6-inch incision through the abdominal wall and generally is followed by two or three days of hospitalization.

"If you asked our patient, she said it was like getting a tooth removed. She was walking that night and left the next day," Montgomery said."

Say Whatnow?

"The procedure is done by inserting 'wand-like cameras and tools' through small incisions in the abdomen and navel."

We're not following you...

"A kidney weighs approximately one pound and is roughly the size of a clenched hand."

So wait...you took the...and the kidney...but...patient...incision...what?

Our reaction can only be descibed as something along the lines of:


Mooooooooole.

"Oh Billy...

...sweet Billy Billy Billy Barou"

Lay it down, Billy


True Billy Mays.

(Un?)necessary Rap Wednesdays

It's De La Soul, From the Soul...

Straight outta 1994 Tommy Boy Records, here's De La slapping hard-core early 90's gangsta rap in the face with this parody jam sampling Al Hirt's cool jazz Harlem Hendoo, as well as laying out the sample for The Roots "Stay Cool" (both of which are quite tasty.

...just playin', here you go America)

Anywho, Enjoy:


Don't know what De La clowns better in this vid:

The hardcore screaming?

The Pool Parties?

Flipping Kool Kieth's (of Ultramagnetic MCs fame) lyrics of
"Switch up change my pitch up / Smack my b*$#h up like a pimp"

with

"Change my pitch up, smack my b*$#h up
....I never did it"

(and thus laying the groundwork for that Prodigy you know you like...
well...
ok niether do we.)

hmmm, hard to tell...

All we know is, you aren't livin' the life without a hat of Straight Cash, Homey


True Story.

(ps...you heard Plug One correctly at 1:30, he's "Somethin' Like a Phenomenon." LL, give dude some props next time, will ya?")

Up In Smoke

(Editor's late addition: This story might be the best part of the Super Bowl. Thank you AJ for showing us this. Things like this are the reason why we started this site. Wow.)

Oh Hey! True Story delivered the goods and predicted you a Super Bowl winner, America. We even got the score somewhat close. But besides that news, we're sure you've all heard about Michael Phelps caught doing this:




Good work, Michael. We're sure that will do a lot for your lung capacity, idiot. On the contrary, we are here to say that we all shouldn't freak out about celebs puffing the magic dragon. I mean, have you ever heard Phelps talk? If you have, this comes as no surprise or concern to anyone.

I mean, look at these lost photos of President Oballa in college from TIME magazine:



We are not sure what is in that cigarette he's puffing on, or what the deal is with that hat. All we know is that is quite simply the most badass picture ever taken.

True Story.

Super Bowl Preview

So we know what you're thinking: the person who they pick to win is going to lose the Super Bowl. After an abysmal sports prediction resume, True Story is just going to post this video of Lil Wayne interviewing celebrities in Tampa. We especially couldn't handle Kenny Mayne telling Weezy that he heard "Mrs. Officer" on Hot 93.7 in Hartford. For any of our friends in the Pioneer Valley or CT, this is hilarious. For everyone else, please enjoy Mayne butcher the chorus in front of a horrified Weezy. We didn't think anyone could horrify a person so used to horrifying others. Kudos, Kenny:


OK, fine:

Steelers 24 Cardinals 19

True Story?